Happy New Year

For a while now, I’ve been really out of shape and haven’t been able to focus at all on things. Important things. Yesterday was the same as every other night lately, thoughts that wandered away to uncomfortable thoughts and me ending up crying until I sit there on my bed shaking. All messed up. I hate it every time it happens, but I love the days afterwards. Even though I end up sleeping a bit longer than I use to I feel better, so relieved.

I don’t want you to worry about me, I have done this before and I know deep inside it’ll pass. Just give me time and I promise I’ll do my best.

The major thing to my recent mood swings is the realisation of my newly found loneliness. I know I have all the great people online like you, so many of you are more than online friends even though I haven’t met you yet. You make me feel at ease and that I am welcomed. Thank you. But, the people I thought were my friends, that I hung out with so often before, they doesn’t even care anymore. And the ones that cares are about 300kms away. As a kiddo I didn’t have much friends, but it wasn’t bothering me cause I enjoyed it and I enjoyed just being with boys on the school breaks. I remember my teachers telling me and my mother that I should play with the girls and participate with them more. But I didn’t really cared. Anyways, what I want to tell you is that even though I was a really independent child most of it have developed into a less independent woman who sometimes wants to hang out with friends. Still I would dare to call myself independent because even though I can feel loneliness I still manage to have some few people I like talking to. Which is good, because being all alone in a class of about 30 people is an awkward feeling. But I will never give up, I want to finish this first year and now already I am checking up other things to study. Though I have no idea what to do with my life I know I want to study math and things like that. Call me crazy but I enjoy solving math equations. So that is my plans for the future at the moment.

I want to release myself from this unsure person I am at the moment, I know how to do it a little. I have done this before so I know partly what to do. I can’t live in this shell anymore, I don’t want to lock people out and I don’t want to push the most important ones away. The ones that care are still by my side, and I realize it more and more. Thank you all.

So now I am going finish this year of 2007 with a smile on my face and I know that year 2008 will bring me closer to many of you guys and I can’t wait until I get to meet you all.


Good things in 2008 to come

• Ewe’s Summer Cottage meeting in June
• Movienight with a certain monkey that isn’t decided yet xD
• The little Midget from the States arrival
• Assisting Host for the abroad Students at Karlstad’s University
• Kent Concert in March
• Some festival maybe? Planning on Peace and Love but maybe StorsjöYran?
• Someone might come here this summer.

Just give me time everyone, and I just feel a little left out but I feel also that this time it's my turn to give myself the time off and just come back when I am ready for it.

Jaa

I remember when Kim told me about this documentary - The Secret. After watching like 30 minutes things felt a little bit encouraging and actually good again. But what can you say huh? It feels like I am right back down again. I hate it. I guess some people might be a little worried while some also sits there with a grin on their face. Hope you are happy and all satisfied now. I hope it felt as good for you as it was to me.

I just need things to put me back on track again. Please.


Your's Sincerely
//Ewelina

Shopping!

Shopping makes me happy. And yes I would've loved to tell you all about my day but I have a headache so I won't.


My new outfit. ^.^ It's pink, not red as it looks like here...

Christmas Eve!

Well I will only upload the picture I have done partly to Ciaran as a Christmas gift.

I love you Ciaran.

And of course I kind of like you others too. No matter what have happened between us I know you will always be there.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I hope you all will have a lovely Christmas and that the celebrations of it will be what you expected if not better.

I just wanted to say that and take care of yourselves and your families.

Lots of Love, or Lol as we can say to be hip.

yours sincerely

Ewelina with dah Äwe sound

To Mathias since I couldn't find a proper gift *melodrama*

I just wanna hold you close

So, today is the day before Christmas Eve and things feel so lovely. Even though there's not as much Christmas spirit as I would've wanted to feel but it'll come. Eventually.

What am I doing of importance at the moment then? I just ordered a phonecard so I can call Ciaran tomorrow on Christmas Eve. And now I will make sure everything is ready for tomorrow and eventually I will write a mail to the international Students.

Bye for now :) and merry Christmas!
--------------------

Now I am back again to just start writing again. But once again I feel like...meh!

The day of happenings...

Yes indeed, today a lot of meaningful things happened. I bought a sallad. *shiftyeyes*


The End

I need you guys

You know who you are. And Soon it's summer! O.O

Summerhouse - 08

The new Ibiza maybe!

The Secret

Ok, here's the thing. I called Kim yesterday for Mathias, this while I was talking to Mathias through Skype and with Tati on MSN. Huge confusion. Anyways, Kim mentioned a documentary named The Secret and he recommend it pretty much, that it had changed his thinking about life to the positive. I got really curious and wanted to check it up, which I did. *shiftyeyes* Youtube have the whole documentary and I will check the last parts when I get home tonight. I am not quiet buying all the concept but it made me think about things in another way - to the better of course.

Today when I woke up I didn't think about things like: it's going to be a long day or it's boring to go to school when you can be at home. I just thought about the fact that I am going to drive the car and that it will soon be Christmas. Then all of a sudden a good song started to play on the radio and it made me all warm inside. *ahh* And it was NOT the "I want to shag you and hump you hard and all night long" with Rappers for bootay. *shiftyeyes* If that song even exist.

Now I will study and program and finish up this stuff. I am now trying to focus on the good things and be aware of the bad but still try and focus on what I want in life.

I can't wait for summer, I hope you guys can make it here. I should fix some music out there. *shiftyeyes*

The big Question

Do i want the dress or don't i?
I sneaked my phone into the fitting room and took a pic cause i couldn't decide!

Swenglish hour!

[22:06:07] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your skitsnygg (adore)

[22:07:04] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your so cute its helt otroligt

[22:10:44] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
min stora karlek

[22:12:08] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
gullig pie

[22:14:36] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe i am hopplös in love with u

[22:16:48] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
nat is a svartsjuk ful bitch

22:20:36] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
tell mandy vi ses

[22:23:00] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
jag beklagar

[22:27:33] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i kärlek you

[22:28:19] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
your a kuk

[22:29:51] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i am misstag

[22:34:57] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
I hetaste laget

[22:37:13] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
Sweden is better then Storbritannien

[22:37:54] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe is a gubbsjuk

[22:38:28] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
värsta brud

[22:40:18] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
i thought u would think it to be jävla dum

[22:43:17] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
ewe has a ont i halsen cus she sucks of so many guys

[22:45:14] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
besvikelse me leaving

[22:45:43] Bagels and cream an integrated approach säger:
förlorare

Cold and School

Well that is what you can say about the little situation I am in. The cold has turned into more of a cold one...Like coughs and throat is sore. Yet I have to study and I also have to fix with the Christmas things too. But I think I will manage right on time. Other than that I don't have much to say. Will be busy in school but on Wednesday I get a day off. Hurrah! star happytears star

Now I better get going. Just wanted to say hi. ^.^

I kinda like him

Yeah it's true. I have never felt like this, this strongly. Yes I have been in love but not like this. It's the first time I have really been considering on moving together with someone. I know many of you feel like "wtf, you have only met once. Shut the fuck up bitch and go to bed." It can't be helped I want to be closer to him...I want that now... :(

A little down day today I fear. :(

Elfs!

This is all Thessy and Tati's fault.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1425797774 http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1426134696

Pain...

I am soon going to delete my shoulders from my body and insert a new fun thing. It would be awesome, anything that could take away this fucking pain would do....

About things...

As most of you readers know, the trip to London had its highlights and its really dark moments. Sadly. I met Ciaran and that was so wonderful, it was so sad that he had to leave earlier but the date in Hyde Park, the walk around town, taken from a movie, my favorite movie of all times. I am going to check up once again about studying abroad. Who really cares where I go?

The worst thing that could ever happen was that I lost my best friend, Nathalie. I can't with words explain how sorry I am for the things that happened. However, I can't make things undone, I can't do magical wonders. I broke the promise we made. And I am truly sorry. I won't even have this discussion like this, now I have said this that needed to be said and that's about all I can do. And since it seems according to your blog that you have already made up your mind I guess this is goodbye. :(

London Tomorrow

Yes in 24 hours me and Nathalie will be sitting on the plane on our way to London. I can't wait, I am so excited about it all! I shall also remember now and welcome Nathalie as a new reader of my blog. Welcome. *bows and nods*

There. Now I have to finish up these things. Adios!

Happy Birthday to me

Yes this weekend it was my birthday. My 19th one. Believe me, I had a good time. Even though some people ignored the fact that their friend had asked them to join her for a lunch out just to hang out. Well, I guess it's not important to some people. Fuck that now. I will tell you guys now what a great birthday I had. Thanks to many of you.

It feels so nice to just look at your communities' page and see all the happy birthday wishes. It feels so good every time. Then this year was special too cause of the fact I have got skype now so some people (you know who you are) even sang to me. In each language. *happytears* You guys are truly the best.

So what did I get?

• a CD Kent - Tillbaka till Samtiden
• some money as usual (some even in pound!)
• a pyjamas for the London trip
• a snicker bar
• a box of chocolate
• Final Fantasy XII
  
• Rocky Balboa (the last Rocky-movie)
  
• 2 mix tapes from Nathalie for my car which doesn't have a CD-player yet
• 2 figurines in clay from Nathalie. A sheep named Bonkel Konkel and a lucky charm shaped as a dick. *lol*
  
• I got from my friend Alma a painting of me. I remember so well when she did it. Awe ^,^
• That's all but I will get a hug from Ciaran too <3
  

I thank you all for the birthday wishes through textmessages and voiceclips and Skypieskype. You are the best for me!

Things

I just realized today that I will have to work hard for some days now to finish up some work that needs to be done before the trip to London. I have at least one assignment in programming, that one has its deadline on Friday next week and I am half through it. So I will work with that after this blog. Then there's another programming thing that needs to be done to the week after that. Seriously I think the whole programming for beginners is waaaay out of control. By that I mean the following; our two teachers says different things - which one should we listen to? They never let us know much things, they expects us to understand all these strange expressions and so on. I mean, yes I have done programming before last year but I am experiencing the same problems here. I have a hard time learning it. Cause when the teachers explains the examples I understand right away but if I have to sit and make one my own way...I am totally numb. I don't know how to solve it. I understand what the program should do and such but I just can't do it. This is really frustrating...


Then we also have this group work that I have to get starting. It's always hard in the beginning but once we are through that stage things will, hopefully, go smoothly.

Now I will study some and if I am cranky when you are talking to me it's just not going my way.
You guys are the best! ^,^ - better than many of my "friends" around here. :/ fuckers.

Dentist

Yes that is the place I am going to now. ^,^ I'll update this later if I feel like it. :)

*hugs*

Soooooon

So, I just found out that I passed my Japanese exam and I am so relieved and happy. All those feelings I felt before are gone, at least to 60 %. But I am still kind of disappointed at my "friends" that can't make up their mind about coming or not. What annoys me is the fact that they first tell me that they are available on one date, and then when I am setting that date, I have to hear from someone else that the person can't come. And she hasn't told me yet that she isn't coming. I just think it's so bad of them.

Anyways, thing in life are feeling much better. Even though I have been eating some delicious things I have been baking this weekend I feel good. Though now I will keep up until my birthday and then I will await London. Only a few more days and then we are off Nathalie! WOOHOO!

Damien Rice - Eskimo

If I am not here...

If I am not here when you read this I might be doing the following stuffs; out for a 12 km walk, helping mom to bake cakes and such for my birthday, doing Japanese, doing programming or I might be cleaning.

So I will talk to you guys as soon as I can. ^.^ You guys are the cutest really! ^.^

Bye bye!

star mwah star

A blog to the people...

...who might have lost something or someone close to them. I feel for you. I just wanted you to know that *hugs you all*

Untitled

James Morrison - You Give Me Something


I don't know why, but I like to listen to this song. It is kind of special, no reason why really. When I start to listen to it I feel like "oh no, this song again." But then it starts and I can't stop. The same thing happens over and over again no matter how many times I listen to it. Strange...

Soon I am going to go working out. I plan to make it a two hours day today. Haven't done that before but it will be fun to see how much I can take. I feel like this is going too far from time to time. I just feel stupid at the moment...

To be explained or to explain?

This blog entry is for those who doesn't understand Swedish. The article seen in the last entry was from my university, and it was taken on the day when we had an open day for girls. They want more girls in the business and therefore to the program I am studying at. And they wanted to take a picture of us cause we were the only girls left from our class. star shiftyeyes star. And just to clear some things out, I am the youngest on that picture. Some people, often called Magnus, didn't thought so at first.

So now it's supposed to be weekend for most of all people, except for me it feels like. Tomorrow I am, once again, going to Göteborg to have another class in Japanese. If things couldn't feel any worse I also have an exam tomorrow in Japanese. I have studied some but I will try a little more. I have to tape a mix-tape so I can listen to that in the car while driving to and from the train station in Karlstad. Our car doesn't have a CD-player yet. Kind of annoying but whatcha gonna do? star shrug star

^_^ Yesterday I got back my latest exam! O.O I got 24 out of 30 and it's an A! WOO HOO! ^,^ I am starting to feel like the pieces are falling back on place. And I got invited to a classparty on the 1st of December! On my birthday star hmph star I am not sure yet if I should go or not but it might be fun. ^.^

So I will see myself done with this blog for today! Adios amigos!
Love ya!

----------------------------------------

I just got an urge to really write some more, not sure about what though. Anyhow, I am going to a friend later tonight. We are having her birthday party so I won't be home tonight. Though I feel a little that it would be nice to be at home and relax. But then again, I am glad that some of my friends around here wants to see me. I have to start planning my birthday party myself. And when I say party it might only include like 3 persons xD HAHA. I wish you guys lived closer. ^.^ I want to have a huge Comms party for my next birthday. That would be awesome. ^,^ I sooo know who to invite. ;)
Oh shoot I better get this party started! O__O bye you guys take care and be good this weekend. ^_^

star waves good bye star

star melodrama star

Today I decided to take the bus that goes 11:20 to school instead of the 8:15 bus. My lesson doesn't start until 13:15 so I'll manage to get there on time and just relax a little before I get there. I am really supposed to study at the moment but I don't really know what to study. Except the Japanese. It's kind of hard cause I have to learn all the signs/marks/whatever. I've managed to get almost all Hiragana in my head but still I have to learn all the Katakana signs too. star melodrama star That is going to be so big one day Mathias. We are bringing the long words back. Who wants a *melodrama* When you can have star melodrama star instead!? It's feckin awesome!

I have finished my evil masterplan too. It might be a little sneaky and shit but I need a little fun too. star tongue star I can't stop laughing at that. Stupid fishes.

I am getting in touch with the childish-Ewelina again. Or not childish but younger Ewelina, I am listening to Backstreet Boys. Hahaha. I know I am tragic. star melodrama star I can't help it. Last night I listened to Rockabilly-tracks! That was awesome I tell you all!

I really should study some at least. I wonder what we are going to do in class today. Hope it's going to be something interesting. Probably something about programming. star shiftyeyes star

Oh, by the way! My uncle was reading a newspaper yesterday and guess who was there? ME! Again. I will post the article and picture here. It's my classmates by the way. --> Look!

Snow

Yes, when I started to write this blog it was snowing, I am not sure anymore if it is cause I can't see out enough well to tell.

Today I am feeling much better, something happened last night before I went to bed and I just felt happy again. No particular reason. *shrugs* I just think that I realized that I am not alone anymore. I have friends who are there for me no matter what and they try to understand me and my situation. They are the best ^.^ Thank you guys.

So, what's up now then? I am about to leave soon for workouts and then I shall just relax the whole evening cause today we finished the assignment for school which is going to be handed in next Monday! Almost a week before that is! WOO HOO! I was really happy that my teacher looked it through and said that it looked really great. I was so proud of our group, exclude one guy. star unimpressed star

What else to mention then? I can't come up with anything else so I guess I am off now.
Take care my fellow children

*Ewelina*

Chillin

That's what you basicly can say that I am doing atm. Just had two toasted sandwishes with marmelade. It was perfect after a day in school. I love to come home with the 13:45 bus. ^,^ That means that I get 2 hours approx. until the rest of the family comes home.

Yesterday before I went to bed I finally got to talk with Mathias on Skype, and of course he joined in with me and Tati. *giggle* It was hilarious in my opinion. ^_^ I really needed a good laughter. Thank you both of you.

I want to thank Sarah aswell for listening to my freakin complains all the time. I so hate the fact that I am letting it all out on you. If you ever feel like I am talking to much just ask me to shut up please. *adore* I just want to say also that I can't thinking about how lovely you and Chris are together. That is one awesome relationship and I hope I can come to the wedding or like whatever you are ending up doing. *adore*

Magnus is another person that needs to be mentioned really bad. What would I have done without you. The same goes to Mandy and many others. But Magnus is always making me happy. Thank you. ^_^ I can't even with words express how much I appreciate you in my life. Thank you <3

Now I will keep on watching this crazyness. xD

See ya! ~^,^~
//Ewelina

What the hell is wrong?

Why do I have to cry over things like this?

Randomness

Sitting here feeling a little relaxed and most of all calm. I love it. Soon I will leave home for working out a little more. It has now gone 2 weeks without candy and bad stuffs in that category. I am rather proud of myself. I will do my best to keep this up so I might be able to loose some more kilos.

Now I am out of words and I need to visit the ladies room. *shiftyeyes* Bye bye ^_^

"Whenever dark turns to night
And all the dreams sing their song
In the daylight forever
To you I belong

I ran to you
You were there "

- B*Witched - To You I Belong

Making it work

I have no idea on how I will make this work out. I am putting my soul into it and I am working so hard to understand what he is thinking. I don't know how I will cope with all this, I just want to make it work. I am going to handle this myself, I mean this is about me and him right? Yes I love it that you guys are there for me but I need to figure this out myself I think. Though I really appreciate your words of wisdoms. You are all like my little copies of Dr Phil. All bald and always something to say ^,^

I can really get annoyed at the things around this. Some of you knows what I am talking about. But if you put your heart and soul into it you can make this work and I am willing to try that out now for real.

I promise not to loose myself on the way. I truly want this, I want him, I want Ciaran. I love him.

It's about me...

Yes I would have to say that it is. I don't know how to explain this either but I know it has something to do with me. I am doing my best to actually work with this but it's hard too, I need the other one in this relationship, but he seems to be drifting away. I don't want that... But as you say, there's plenty more fishes in the sea. BUT! I will not give this one up that easily. What would a relationship be if you didn't fight for each other?

I've been thinking alot these past few days and even though the things I've been thinking about isn't THAT relevant to this matter it is important too. I kind got the feeling how to think about myself a little. Like keeping myself busy with things I like and stuffs.

His thoughts are important to me but I care way too much. It's becoming a needy battle and that is my problem. Many might say that it's his turn to play the cards. It might be so. But as I've been writing before - I won't ruin this by being stubborn. I could never forgive myself for that. I will do my best to be what I want to become and I will fight for the things that matters the most.

At the graveyard

Last night after I've been visiting a friend watching a movie and stuffs I didn't go home right away. Since it's been Halloween and all that the graveyard was filled with candles and it was so beautiful. We were so busy yesterday so we never had time to go and watch all the candles, so I went by my own around midnight. It was so quiet -except all the noisy people from town who were about to go to parties and shit. Other than those noises I was all alone there. Good that I've worked there last year otherwise I would never have been able to find the ways around it. It was so dark and when I was looking up at the sky you could see all the stars and some even fell. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Exactly what I needed.

On my way I found some burnt out candles and I found a matchstick so that I could lit them up again. Well...Not every single candle, I'm not a bloody miracleworker. xD But then I was able to light a candle for those who means something to me. Only you guys know about it, if my family finds out they probably would just be worried about it. That something could've happened and all that, but it just shows that they care.

Anyway, I won't sit here and talk about that only. But when I was walking there all alone, it gave me time to think about things. I'm not more sane than I was yesterday but it's on it's way. And Sarah with her sweet quotes that really means something. Thank you <3 And all of you others who read my blog and take your time to comment. ;) Thank you. It really feels good that I'm not alone and I will have you guys there. ^_^

I think I'll start write here more often, it's way more fun. xD though I miss talking to you others but I really need this I think. I need to think it over, what to do and at the same time follow what's best for me. It has been way too long and I've already ruined one relationship by being like this, blaming the other one. It's not them, the problem is me. Well, not only but mostly. I want you guys to understand that I am ok, I just need to fix my problem with myself before I can feel that I can come back to you all. But you all have to remember that you all means so much to me, even though we might not have met...yet. ^_^ But that is going to be my biggest goals in life. I want to see you all. ^^ Even though you, you mastrubating monkey. ;)

Bye you guys and remember that even though you might be all alone at the place you are at, you will never be alone completly. Cause I am there in the shadows. ;) Waiting to rape you all! O_O

Here goes

I have now decided that I can't take this shit anymore. I won't be online for a couple of days cause I am so freackin tired of being this down lately. I need to get a grip about things and atleast try to be sane about it. If you don't know what I am talking about then fine I might tell you if you ask me, I don't feel all jolly to talk about it right now.

I am working so hard to make things work, to get closer to someone and I am really spending both energy, money and my time on it. And it's not that I dislike doing it it's just that I feel so unappreciated while I am doing it.

Anyways, enough about that. Nathalie and I are planning a trip to London in December and we are soon about to book the tickets. I might not be able to afford it really but I need this. Even if someone might not come I can't be arsed to care anymore. I've done what I can and if that isn't enough then fine. *shrug* I can't kiss ass forever, still I don't want to ruin something that could be so good by being stubborn.

Fuckeli fuck fuck ^_^

I know I should...

I should Study I know that. But I just have to write this to you guys! Cause I've been feeling really ill today and that sucks. BUUUUUT! When I was checking through the blogs I have linked here I just got so happy. ^_^ (Thanks Sarah and Chris) *giggle* You guys makes me motivated and determined that I should be able to make this shit and stuffs. I don't really know one specific thing that the two of you wrote but fuck that! I love you guys! ^_^ You are da best in the test ^_^

Of course you others are motivating me too, no doubt about that. But sometimes you just need to read one simple thing and that is exactly what you need to hear. I just had to write that.

Besides, I am feeling better now, well at least a little. I am going to study now sir. ^_^

Bye bye <3

A blog about getting a grip

When I sit here and think about what I should do with My life, I can only see one thing in my head. It’s a picture that hasn’t been taken yet, but if it were taken, it would be the loveliest and most beautiful picture in the world. It would’ve shown love, truth and happiness. All those things that matters in a person’s life and that makes a person truly happy about herself, it would’ve been so obvious.

But, what can you do to get a grip about your life? Do you get more organized or less organized? Do you learn how to see happiness in the worst possible times or do you see the realistic things instead of dream? Do you consider what you want to do with your life before you do anything at all or do you try to do things and then get beaten down cause it was wrong? Do you try to mix all of it?

For me, I’ve more and more realized what I like doing. I might not understand what I’m doing or what things I’m doing wrong, but I like doing it. I love to help people, to be there for people – making people feel better about themselves makes me have a goal in life that I could be that person. Someday. A little bit of psychology perhaps? I love to think logical, like math stuffs, equations, algebra and why not a little of everything? I am, to be honest not that good at computers but I think it’s interesting to some part so I definitely want to work with that too. To travel, I want to travel. I like to workout and stay in good shape, or at least try to. I love movies, to look at, not to produce but still… I love to be creative. What can all these things make me?

How should I be able to get a grip of my life then when I don’t know what I want to do? I’ve decided that I will see after these next courses at school. These will help me to know if I should stay or not. I hope for my own best. ^_^ I think you should consider what YOU want to do to be able to get a grip of your life. I don’t have anything else to say really.

I really feel like I want to do something else than this but at the same time I want to fight a little longer just to see what might happen. And I’ll finish all the assignments that should be done. I shall rule the world!

I’ll talk to you all soon and I truly adore you all for doing your best. I hope this made any sense at all...

No title oh fuck! O.O

Lately I haven't been feeling good. I've been unsure about university - is this what I want to study etc. But right now I can't really be down. I have so much to be happy about.

1. The groupwork that I did and wrote 95% of passed! My teacher liked it and it was only one little fault he could see but we didn't have to change it cause it was only a miscalculation.
2. Nathalie is coming over today and we're going to plan a trip to London maybe in December this year. I hope so.
3. This Friday I'm going to shop with Jessica and goof around. Can't wait for that ^_^
4. I get to talk to Ciaran so much and my family knows about him and stuffs so I feel really good about it. Ahd he's one sexy mother fuckah! O.O And he is mine! ^_^
5. I'm listening to previews on iTunes for audiobooks and I just happened to find something with Dr Phil and I'm laughing my ass off. Haha. You gotta love Dr Phil. Haha. ^_^
6. I'm going to kick ass at my next assignment.
7. Last but not least I am going to attend to a meeting about studying abroad next week. Looking forward to that alot. ^_^

I hope you guys now that you all mean a lot to me. I really care for you all ^_^

Now I am going to study some!

btw. Ciaran + Ewelina = sant ^_^

A day with feelings

I see you everywhere. Every person I pass have something that reminds me of you. Shoes, sunglasses, a sweater whatever. But none of them has the whole package. Not like you. You're perfect.

So, this morning I woke up and when I fixed my hair it turned out to be perfect <3 I was feeling so good and I have got myself new music to my Mp3 so everything was just great. (Thanks Sarah for The Promise - Tracy Chapman, and Magnus for the other songs). Me and my groupmembers at school finished our work and I'll finish it up and stuffs so I am very calm about that. Going to leave soon for a little workout with Body Balance - a mixture of Tai Shi, Yoga and Pilates. Love it.

So when I got home today I felt like I needed sugar and I took chocolate. I feel a little bad about that but who cares? I don't feel like I can diet right now. Besides I treated myself a good sallad today and last night. <3 I just feel so good about myself and I do wonder why... *lol* Thank you my love.

Now I am going to get going but first I have to flush my toilet before anyone gets home... *shiftyeyes*

Bye my lovelings <3

Kent - Ingenting

What can I say?

What can I really say except Thank you. To all of you who truly shows me that you care about me. It means a lot to me. I don't really feel so bad anymore. It's all thanks to you. Some more than others but anyways, I appreciate you all for being there. <3

I really do feel so much better. Sometimes you need to get really low to be able to get up. But as I said, without you guys, I wouldn't have made it. ^_^

Today it's my thrid day without candy and it's going really well, yet I feel I want some right now. And espacially Snickers. You know how couples have their songs, their places etc. If Ciaran and I would have candy it would be Snickers. xD Why you may ask. Well, the first time, I think it was, when I saw him on webcam he had Snickers! QQ So tasty and delicious. I want some now. But maybe it's just me wanting Ciaran. *giggle* It must be. ^_^

Anyways, mom is making waffles now. *adore* and some whipped cream on that is going to be reward for studying all day long. Yeah ALLLLLLLL day. Or not. xD But many hours today. ^_^

Oh! I got my paycheck from Wasa today. <3 It was so much more than I first thought so that is going to the trip as I might have told you before. *shiftyeyes* And today I'm writing a letter to Ciaran. I will finish it later tonight or something like that. Hope that I will be able to call him soon, I know it's expensive but I don't care. Everything for him so I can hear his voice.

But now it's foodtime. Thank you all again. You guys are lovely. <3

I really...

I really don't feel good today. I stoped with candy last night and things are just feeling awful. I don't know any particular reason to my moodswings lately... My stomache has been hurting like hell back and forth, I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes cause of it. I have almost reached the bottom when it comes to my confidence in myself. I know Ciaran is busy with school and all that, and I want him to be that cause I want him to get to know as many people as possible cause I want him to enjoy it at his new school. He really get along with people so quickly and that makes me so jealous...I really do my best but the people on my class they are so...not dull but they seem to be like terrified to get to know new people... :/
I also quit eating candy now today is the first real day otherwise I quit last night. I'm really stressed too you know...

Exams coming up, me wanting to see Ciaran, me wanting my parents to know how much he means to me. Gosh this annoys me to tears and on top of this all I can't manage to get a grip of my life!

One of those good things that has happened lately is that 1. I got my paycheck from Wasa and it was like twice as much as I first thought. <3 And those money will be enough for the flight+bus in England.
2. The report is done, cause of the work I put down on it.
3. Culture Night was lovely.
4. I have Ciaran.
5. I have all of you guys <3

To be bloody honest, thinking of all the good things that have happened, makes me shine a little on the inside. No wait, not a little. A lot. :)
Now I have to write a little message to a certain Sarah and then I'll study some more. <3

It's your fault

But I love it when it is. I don't know how you did it but to be honest, I'm so glad you made it happen - you made me fall for you. And you know what? I can't stop thinking about you now, 24/7 your voice and words circulate in my head and I don't want it to stop. Even though I feel from time to time that I'm going insane I will not let it stop. My feelings for you are so bloody true and whenever you say something it sounds so honest and real. How did you do it? How did you made me fall in love with you?

"hey there Delilah
dont you worry about the distance
im right there if you get lonely
give this song another listen
close your eyes
listen to my voice its my disguise
im by your side

*lots of other lyrics and songs meanwhile*

a thousand miles seems pretty far
but they've got planes and trains and cars
id walk to you if i had no other way
our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
that none of them have felt this way
delilah i can promise you
that by the time that we get through
the world will never ever be the same
and youre to blame"

It's one of those songs that means the world to me at the moment.

Ewan McGregory & Nicole Kidman - Come What May
Aerosmith - I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

It's our songs and we love them.

Omfg!

Omg! It has happened, I never thought it would. I've found love. I can't believe it, it was such a long time since I sat up all night talking to someone. Such a long time since I felt my heart racing like that over small things that, when you said it, meant so much. Even though we are so far away from each other and, we've never met, I just know. Knows that even though it might sound naive, I'm so happy that I've found you and we will make this work out. Going to England once in awhile isn't so bad you know. Fuck expensive yeah but I don't have any other things to spend my money on atm. Yeah, atm that is. Uni is taking up alot of my precious time and I should really write on my report now but I don't care anymore, I will do it. I just have to write.

I need to apologies too, I have been a terrible friend lately but I've been so busy with school and trying to relax and calm down. I am really doing my best you know. I'm thinking about finding a new place to make a blog on. I feel like that this one isn't making me so motivated anymore. I won't delete it, just have it here and write from time to time. But I dunno...

I feel a little mixed atm, dunno why. Maybe it's because I want so badly some things and I know that it's complicated to have it so soon. I've promised myself not to let go of him. My guy, my dark Prince, my Ciaran.

I truly do love you. <3

//Ewelina

About the last blog!

I was very surpriced it didn't worked!

So far away....

Hello there. I know I haven't been writing for a looooong time now. I've been working that's why! O.O At Wasa you know, and I've been having really crappy working hours. >.<>

I can't stop listening to this song either so... >.<

Time will tell. ^.^

Saturday Evening

As I sit here on a Saturday evening I feel kind of tired. I've been working hard today. Or maybe not. A little mixture of both you could say. ^_^ Anyways. I'm exhausted and will soon go to bed. But I can't stop thinking about the fact what many other in my age are doing right now. I mean, here I sit, alone infront of the computer, sitting here and just stare at the screen. What else would I do then? I would be sleeping, yes - which I am about to do soon. But I could also be out partying. With the right people it could be really fun, but with the people around here it would be so boring I feel. I actually enjoy sitting here, rather this than drinking myself so drunk that I can't take care of myself.

Anyways, I'm feeling rather good today though I've been a bit ill from time to time.

Gosh it's late. I'll go to bed now. ^_^
*adore*

//Ewelina

I'm not your pile of shit!

That's right I am not and nothing you'll say can make me think like that ever again! You know why? Because it's over. All over. This "thing" between us will never ever happen again. I promise myself that. Something huge has got to happen with you if you want to be with me - like that's going to happen.

I've decided not to go to Stockholm and I'm feeling good about it. I can now save those money and use them on something useful like a car or maybe a trip to London or Japan, haven't decided yet.

And.

A HUUUUUGE thanks to you guys. <3>

Feeling Worthless again! woohoo!

What did I ever do to deserve anything like this shit? All I can feel now is how worthless I am. That I'm not good enough...not even to listen to. I sat and tried to explain what I felt for him, why I couldn't do some things and just like that, no response and all I fucking got from him as a response was him going offline.

I know I'm so naive who thinks things between us could work, that we'd have a relationship and all but it's just not working like that! Not for him. And what he wants isn't enough for me.

I sat there and tried to explain over and over why it felt wrong and he kept on going, kept on pushing me. Of course he's going to say other things later on that would fucking save this whole thing but I can't take this crap anymore! Nothing I do is enough, he can't be satisfied with what he gets! I'm so fucking tired of this crap! Go to hell with it all! I'll go to his town I'll do that but to hell that I'll see him now.

...Gosh do I believe myself when I write this? That I'll actually not care to see him? How could I resist?

I feel like shit about this all...

I made it!

http://ewelaijna.blogspot.com/2007/07/feeling-worthless-again-woohoo.html The link to my newest blog for the day. It didn't seem to work any other way. >.<

Just painted the nails! Well that was not the thing I wanted to write about in the first place but it's true. I made it. xD Another thing that I made is my way to the university! I got in on the IT-design I've applied for. For you who doesn't know what that is it's about computers and designing software (I think) and stuff like that. ^_^ We'll see if I can get in on the Japanese class in Gothenburgh aswell, though I think I'm screwed on that one. Like 13 people has to turn down on it before I can have a place on it so, nah.

I can tell you all who doesn't know that a couple of weeks ago I was on the Peace and Love festival in Borlänge. It was really so much fun! Totally something that I can recommend. I saw Damien Rice, The Ark, Jason Mraz, Mustasch, Slagsmålsklubben, Maia Hirazawa and many many more! It was hella fun! ^___^

Hmm, what more to mention? I don't know atm. ^_^

Have fun!

Infected Mushrooms

Mathias is giving me a bunch of songs from them now. But the one responsible for me starting to listen to them is Mange. I'll thank you both.

When I started to write this blog I felt all down and shitty but I'm not that anymore so I'll not make a huge blog this time. :) I'll stop now. :P

//Ewelina

Prom, Graduation and Midsummer

So many things have happened since the last time I wrote. I've been to the lovely prom and had the time of my life and then I had my graduation and had the time of my life again. Gosh I really felt happy. Nothing could stop me from dancing around like a maniac.

Oh I've got to tell you! It was so fun, this thing. I was dancing waltz with a guy named Robert at the prom and suddenly he changes partner and starts to dance with another girl right infront of my face! Not so fun, so I went out of the room and met his headteacher. I tell him about it all and then he tells me that I should go back in and ask Robert to dance. I walks in and walk over to the chairs next to the walls in the room. Looking a little grumpy Robert suddenly leaves the room. The waltz continues and back in the room comes Robert and walks up to me and almost pulls me out on the dancefloor. xD It was hilarious because I knew his teacher must have something to do with this. Robert told me that too while we danced. But then, the song ends and the song 9 Crimes with Damien Rice starts to play! My favorite song atm! And it goes really slow so we started to dance a slowdance instead and i was such a long time I had one. All of my ex boyfriends were so dull at dancing what so ever. *unimpressed face* Anyways, we danced and danced and it was so much fun! During the slow dance I look around in the room and I find the teacher. He just smiled at me and then I really knew. =P

The graduation was so much fun too! Champagne breakfast at one of our headteachers home and then to school taking cards of the whole class. THen we went to the aula and some stipendiums were given to some people, mostly to our class. MOAHAH! Well, then we sang a couple of songs and then it was time for lunch served by some pupils from secondgrade. Then back up to school where we got our grades then it was time. The cannons fired and out we came! Singing all wrong but we didn't cared! We were graduating and we had such a fun time! We took our rides and went through the whole city and sang and screamed! It was so much fun really! *adore*

Later on the night it was partying that was the main thing on the schedule and I met Robert again. He came back and forth to talk, yes he was drunk. xD But it was so fun to party with him. =)

Well enough about that. This Monday the whole family went to Göteborg, I might start school there on some weekends so we were checking up were it was. Well, then we walked around downtown and I bought some blue haircolor and then a dress which I love so much! Later on we met up with Magnus, Mathilda and Robert from Comms! It was so fun to finally meet them and even though we didn't got so much time to see each other on it was nice! Then we continued our trip to Ullared where we spent 2 nights. On the Tuesday I met Kim. ^_^ It was hella fun! To finally meet my dream as he said. =P Haha.

Well now I shall not keep on talking because I have to fix some things at home before the people arrives!

Bye bye

Much to tell

Well, not really, though I have been doing so much things. Though I don't feel like talking about them just yet. ^_^

So long!

Time for a blog!

Well, now it's time again for a little bloggie! I don't really have anything new to tell you. I guess I'll know more important things later today but I'll write a new blog later about that I think. ^__^

Today I have a sleepover from school. My lessons starts at 12 and then I'll try and study the best I can. ^_^ Then tomorrow I'll have Japanese class again like every Saturday and then I hope that I can enjoy a little movie at the cinema's later - Pirates of the Caribbean 3 : at the world's end. *drools* I can't wait until I get to see almost three hours with Johnny Depp! Woohoo! like Kim would say. xD My little Toyboy. ;)

Today I'll call that job I've applied for. I really hope I got it because right now I need that job.

Well I have to go eat now I see. xD

*hugs and kisses*

Sarah

I just wanted to say hi to Sarah who's my newest reader. ^__^ *adore*

Gosh now I just got the feeling to write more. Yay! ^^ So the hiking went well, I'll try to upload some photos of it I promise! Ah hell I'll do it now. :P xD Instead of lots of boring stories about it I'll show you a few of my pictures. ^_^ The last picture was taken two days ago.

Bye bye!

8th of May

Well I know I'm a day after with this but I didn't have time yesterday. I did the practical test for my driving licence yesterday and I passed!! So now I have a driving licence and all I need now is a car. Give me one pleaaase?

Well I also got a call yesterday from the local newspaper and the guy told me about that my photos - from the youth culture meeting-festival that I was on this weekend - they are going to be on a exhibition in a bigger town nearby! I was so shocked yet so happy about the good news!

Even though that school is kind of killing me I'm so happy about the fact that things aer going my way a little now. I could never have made it without you guys. You all should take the credit.

What would I do without you all?

Bye bye for now!

Oh really?

I kind of figured out that this bad feeling I've been having can't be a bad feeling. I'm just unsure about some small stuffs and I should try not to focus on all the bad shit that COULD happen or something like that.

Things are meant to happen and they will happen eventually. :)

Today I had the oral presentation of our projectwork. It was...fun. I did so many stupid things and I will not even mention them here. *lol* <3

Now I'll go and study some!
Byebye!
//Ewelina

Soft

Well I'm just sitting here atm. Guess I'm just staring at the keyboard and typing what comes into my head and what later goes through my nerves to my fingertops. I have this warm feeling inside, like when things are really going the right way. I can't think straight. I can't hear what I'm thinking, I'm just acting on impulse. I can feel it so good, it's so obvious. Or is it now?

Last night I sat up to almost half past 4. Just talking to Kim and laughing of course. I must say that I'm kind of proud over myself for being able to use my fucking mouth and actually spoke to him. Yet, I'm a little scared about calling him. Dunno why it's just how it is. Stupid ass. Anyways, the more I think about Kim, the more I talk to him, I just want to get the driving licence and get my ass over there. ^.^

I don't want to rush into things, I really don't want to do that. I don't want to make him unsure about things concerning himself and I don't want to be a bother for anyone... Sorry if I am. I just miss someone like him in my life. He really makes me laugh even at the silliest things and I'm just crazy, I don't know what I'm writing anymore.

I'm sure people might think that I'm still worried about things with Tom, but to be really honest, I don't know who he is anymore, I know more about Kim after a week that I knew about Tom after 3-4 years. I'm so tradgic at the moment I know. But what can you really do about it?

Oh yeah sorry... Jannika, I'll never forget what you wrote. *adore* I'm so happy to have you there and I promise I'll do my best to be a better gal. ;)

¤~lots of love~¤

Ewelina

Hi

Just wanted to say hi and sorry for not been writing that often. I'm kind of tired of it...

Sorry Jannika too for not talking more with you about you. I feel like a crappy friend. =(

Meh :/ now I'll go out for a walk. <3

This time it feels...

After a night full of laughing and lots of toilet visiting I've never had such a fun time.

This all things that's happening... I'm kind of split about things but I'm kind of sure now... One has got to be put away in the closet and it's NOT a special guy.

Such a lovely time just talking. Yeah and alot of Pingu-talk. Too bad that someone can't stay awake.

He even said that he doesn't want to get in between me and Tom. I told him what I told Mandy that the whole thing with Tom seems to be kind of...dead. I know he's in grief but still... I don't think time will make any difference so I said that with Tom it doesn't feels like I've felt with my other bf's and not when I imagine to have a future with him. *adore*

Listening to now: Natasha Beddingfield - I wanna have your babies

Fucking asshole shit! >_<

I just had to write a textmessage to him I just had too now wasn't I? Fucking shit, Anyways, I wrote to him something like this "You know, it would be nice if you called or something some day. I miss you Tom. And if I did anything wrong I'd like you to tell me. I like you alot. *hugs*" . I just got back a message saying that his father and brother died yesterday. WOo hoo! Nice going Ewe.

I know the fact that I couldn't know but still. I had to ask and GAH!

Now I'll go and just hate myself for awhile. ._.

See ya or not! xP

the 6th-7th of April

Well, as you all probablly know I have for a time now planned a trip to Stockholm with Jannika. Two days ago I sat on the bus by now and just waited to get to Stockholm. I knew Jannika was coming in around 1 o'clock so I had a little time to kill before that. That's why I've decided that a guy named Tom should come and visit. You see, I've known him for almost 3-4 years now and he has always been supporting me and stuff. I sat there on the busstation and I was so nervous, I was so shaking and sweaty. But after awhile, like an hour of waiting I tried reaching him and he said that he had to be on work for a little longer so, Jannika got to the station before him and we started to walk around in Stockholm. =) <3We went to this Asian resturant and it was sooooo good. *drool* We even ordered ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert. *drool* <3

Anyways Tom called that he was getting in to town now and that we could meet at Jannika's and mine hostel. So, after going back to the hotel I was so nervous again, shaking like a leaf and I just wanted to see him. *adore* So, back at the hotel Jannika surely laughed at me for being so nervous. *adore* :-* And she was just going to say hi to Tom and then leave for a walk. *adore* I feel so bad for making it longer than an hour. :( *hugs*

So, Tom took a taxi to the hotel, walking 1 km was too much for him atm. *lol* <3 So when Jannika was about to leave for that walk he just stood there in the hallway. :inlove: And I got so, like, my heart was beating so fast and shit. He gives the best hugs btw. ;) So Jannika said hi to him and shit and then she left. :( We got in to our room and just sat on each bed talking, like caressing ourself carefully and gentle. *adore* And he could feel how I was shaking. *lol and blushing* And I just fell for him, I have no idea what he was doing that made me fall so hard but then all the kissing starting and clothes were suddenly on the floor and we were in bed! :O *drool* *in love* Fuck, I don't do things like these, seriously.

Then after like 30 mins Jannika came back just because she had to changes shoes, so. *lol* I can't imagine what was going on in her mind at that moment. *lol* I'm so sorry sweety. *adore* *hug* Then she left and Tom and I was about to start again. *lol* <3>and so we did doing it again for half an hour. *lol* <3 *drool* Sorry for saying this but he was soooo the best I've ever been with. *drool* (like I've only 2 before him) *lol*
Then he had to leave when Jannika was coming back, all that because of more work :( But he truly gives the best hugs in the world. :inlove: He's such a strong guy. *drooling devil*
Jannika came back :) and Tom left. :( and then Jannika and I relaxed all day. *lol and devil*

Then on the night we went out to The Viper Room. A bit dull to start with but it was funny as hell. I'm not lying when I'm saying that she and I were the prettiest there. :D When we later decided to walk home we got lost. *lol* But who cares we got home after awhile. :) <3
Sleeping and then the next morning we ate breakfast and then later we checked out and just went out on town for the rest of the day. I'm so sorry for being sick and all. *hug* <3 And it's hard to like, talk normally like you do with your friends at home since we just know each other for such a short time. But I loved being with you in Stockholm. *hug* <3 I hope you did too.

Anyways I got home and now I'm about to take a shower. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you that the one thing I bought in Stockholm was a morning after pill. *lol* I don't want to get pregnant. *cries*

Toodles everyone! *hug* :-*

<3

Phew.

Time for a little writing I guess. Nothing new to tell you guys. Got some stuff to do tomorrow and the rest of the week. I don't have to urge to write something I feel now.

Good night. <3

Stockholm here we go!

Well, I've decided it now. We're going to Stockholm the 6-7th April! It's going to be a blast! Staying at the Colonial hotel/hostel laying approx 1,5 km from the Central Station. On the top of that it's kind of central too so we won't have to go long to get into town.

We've kind of planned to go out aswell on the night to a club, The Viper Room. Things couldn't have been better, it's fucking 1 km from the hostel! Shocked as we were when we found out about that we got more high on the idea to go there asap!

This Friday we're going to book the hotel/hostel, whatever. Just to be sure about it. Things are feeling so great now!

That's all for me now. :) See ya! ^^

A bit different this time...

What is this feeling I'm having inside? I can't stop thinking of him and I just want to run away from home to meet him. I just want to meet him and feel him. Gosh, I know what people would think, the fact that he's 34 and I'm 18. Bah, whatever, why should I care about what people think? I mean really, I've never complained to others about a little thing as age. I've known this guy for almost 3 years now. I still see him as the same person, well, not exactly. I love him more now and I know also that saying love now is too early, but it feels so wonderful.

When I spoke to him over msn, seeing him over webcam and I using the microphone. Gosh I giggled so much and I was blushing constantly. I could barely look at the computer screen when I noticed him looking in the cam. I suddenly became so happy inside and I got inspired for the first time for awhile. When he suddenly got unsure about us due to the age difference, I just knew that I had to meet him soon. I have to touch him and hug him, I want to be in those arms NOW!

I've choosen not to tell too many people, it's the best. I don't want to be judged or anything like that, all I want now is to be happy. I just want to meet him first before I tell too many. I just want to see him now, or talk to him. Call him wimp and stuff just for a tease. *adore* ^^

Anyway, what's happening in my life other than what I just told you? I failed on the theorytest for my driving licence, I've cut my hair a little and I'm otherwise just enjoying my schoolbreak. Too bad it's almost over. Now I better go and do something important. *adore*

Sick but rather happy

Yeah I know it's hard to believe that you can be happy when you're sick but I am. At the moment I'm feeling so happy and I have a clue about why but I don't want to share it with the whole world just yet.

I had a driving lesson today and no school. That was really nice and the lesson turned out to go very well. Even though he's slow on seeing my improvements I'm still learning more and more so that's good. I don't care if it's going to take longer time than I expected at first. I have to see it like this, I'm learning right?

Anyway, on Tuesday the 27th I'm going to Karlstad, going to visit the hospital and check some things if it works and stuff. I'll be fine. I might buy myself something pretty in town too. ^^ Jannika have told me about some clothes at Vila. Oh yeah, I have to mention that too! O.O I might go to Borlänge this year too on the Peace and Love festival! That's going to be sweet! Since I'm not going abroad just yet I'm going to have some fun this spring and later in the summer when I'm not working. First it's Arvika for UKM - Young Culture Meeting - and then the weekend after that we're going to go walking on mountains and stuff! How cool isn't that!? O____O We're going to visit the largest/longest waterfall in Sweden. ^___^ Then of course I'm graduating, finally. OMG! How could I forget to mention about that!? Jannika and I might go to Stockholm during the Easter weekend. I can't wait! I hope school isn't going to take too much of the time because I need to take care of myself aswell. I sure hope that I can get my driving licence soon! That'll be so nice when I have it in my hand. ;) Oh I have to take pictures then. ;) Upload some. :P Haha!

Oops, this got a little longer than I first thought. Sorry you guys. But I just had to write something. Was awhile ago now. But now I have to study! O____O

Bye you guys! Love you a lot! <3

Not a good day

I can admit that I'm not miserable, but I wouldn't say that I'm the happiest girl in the world either. I laughed so much earlier today, and now it feels like every bit of that moment is gone. I just have this bad feeling in my chest and I want to rip it all out. I hate to feel this way. This isecurity and this bad feeling that reminds me of how everything can change in a blink of an eye. All I want is to feel a bit better so that I can feel motivated again. I think I'll upload some music to my new MP3 I got today. It's nice yet I think it could've been a little better. Anyway, I like it because I can have lots of music on it! Then I'll do some studies so that I tomorrow can feel good about myself when I'm going to Karlstad and maybe shop a little.

Aw now Jannika is online so I can finally get to talk off my chest a little. I kind of need that. She has already made me smile. ^_^ She is soo good! O.O And hawt. ;) Hahaha
That's all for me folks! See ya!

//Ewe kawaii

Today...

..dear diary. I'm an idiot! Yay! What a confession! Not only do I feel like a yerk I also have fucking tears in my eyes and want to disappear.

The fucking End.