New Blog Address

So I have upgraded my blog now to wordpress, and it was all Erik's "fault" besides, I got kind of tired of this but still. Yeah whatever. Just wanted to link you guys so you could link it up and stuffs :) I will fix it much more and I am keeping this in case I get tired of Word Press ^.^

http://bonkvsgnu.wordpress.com

^.^

Good Day!

Yes, I am fully aware of the fact that it was a long time since I wrote the last time. Terribly sorry about that but I haven't felt like writing anything special. After the concert I went to last week in Stockholm I have been kind of tired. The bands were great! All in all it was three band and first up was a Swedish band named Dead By April, they were kind of ok, though I wasn't feeling for that kind of hard metal at the moment I still jumped and was very excited that I would soon get to see two bands that just flew in from Japan and this would be their only show in Sweden! O.O

Matenrou Opera were first out and this was the band that I fell for the most when I sat at home listening to them before Jessica and I left to Stockholm. The whole concert with M.O would've been awesome if it wasn't for a stupid asshole who stood behind me and who thought that I was in his way. I also think he was protecting his girlfriend, I mean every time I started to jump and dig to the music he used his elbow to hold one of my shoulders down and when he wasn't doing that he pushed his arms hard in my back or tried penetrating my shoulders with his fingers. Stupid freak yes indeed, what was worst was the whole kicking part, when he tried to make me fall and all that. Anyways, when the other band Versailles - who were the main band for the evening entered the stage the douchebag was gone. HURRAH! So I could finally enjoy it all! Versailles were so awesome and so was Matenrou Opera.
Me and Jessica were kind of disappointed that we had booked our train tickets so that we wouldn't have time to go to the signing of the CD's BUT! Their plan was delayed so they were kind enough to do it after the show! ^.^ So now I have both bands (M.O's and Versailles's) Autographs and I am so happy! I got to thank them and take their hands! Oh mi gosh! And I thanked them so much in Japanese and awee! [insert all cute and happy emoticons]

But the concert was so much fun and the guy Jessica knew that we got to spend the night at was really nice, he had fixed our beds and he made us sandwiches when we came back and he even came to get us. Nice Man Reijo is indeed.

On Saturday it's party time! Jessica is turning 20 and I have made sure that we are invited to another party so we are combining the parties. ^.^

That's kind of all I have to tell you, I wonder if I forgot anything to mention, I sure did but whatever.

Now I will go and study some math! ^.^

Rather Strange...

My room is rather clean now, I just have to do something about all the crap that lies all random in my bookshelves. Though I don't feel that I can do something smart about it and I don't want to throw away something. Damn you bookshelves! I shall conquer you and then I shall laugh you in the face!

That's my plan at the moment. I have just stepped back a few steps...Meaning I am listening to my old music, this is including both pop like Blue, 5ive and a little Michael Jackson as well, then I am listening to some Soundtracks to Rocky and Rambo and similar music. Then, we have the pile of Death Metal and Black Metal, the huge scream "songs". But I can't really complain, I am enjoying the shit out of this. ^.^ And tomorrow I am going to Stockholm with Jessica and we are going to see Matenrou Opera and Versailles it's going to be so much fun! I haven't really listened much to either of the bands but who cares? Concerts are nice! I just discovered that Miyavi is coming to Sweden this summer! First of July to be more specific, the first Japanese artist I really listened to. But I don't think there's any possibility for me to go there. I mean if I have work and all that. It costs. But I have that if Gackt or Rentrer En Soi is coming here I am fucking going whatever the cost is! But I want to see Miyavi too!! Stupid Limit of time and money.

So now that I have been strange enough this morning I will go and try rape the bookshelves.
Talk to ya all later!

Freedom!

Yes I am back! Have finished the two exams now so from now on to Monday I am free!!!! I had my first exam on Tuesday and that was in Software Development Methodology, I hope I did well, at least I did my best but I can't say that I have focused much on this one. All my energy was put down to the exam we had yesterday in Economics. Yikes how boring it is and it makes no sense and if you sit and try to study to it and follow the rules and all that shit, it's still wrong, "why?" you ask? Because they felt like adding a thousand more stuffs to it! I did my best on that one too but sometimes it feels like I failed them both. I hope they are generous with the points. That way I might score something so I might make it!

After the exam yesterday, me and the fellow gang bangers : Erik, Linda and Derrick(who got his driver's license yesterday btw) took my car and went downtown to dah city! To quote Erik a bit they were Sushi virgins and to quote me I took their Sushi virginity away. star melodrama star
After the tasty sushi we went to book the tickets to see a movie! After a lot of disagreements we decided that we were going to see Spiderwick, it was very good movie I think. I thought it would suck a little cause it was so new and based on a fantasy Chronicle but I liked it so now I will go and get the books!

Now I will enjoy my day and actually clean up a bit here at home but first I will go and get some stuffs! Have a nice day ya'll! And thanks for the support all the time! Me like you long time!

Studies during Easter

Yes I really don't have time to sit here and tell you all about my lovely life, but just for you my friend I shall write. It's a lovely sunny weather outside and I could sit and just stare out in the blue. It's always like that when you have something important to do. Sadly.

For the moment I am listening to Damien Rice's CD Live from the Union Chapel. Perfect music to study to in my opinion, yet I get kind of distracted when I keep dreaming back to the time last summer, at the front row seeing him live, being so happy without any particular problem that bothered me. I don't mean to sound gloomy or anything, to be honest I am really cheerful nowadays as things are taking a turn for the better. On Thursday, when the exams are over, and everything is starting over again I can feel relaxed hopefully. Yet I don't believe in those terms when you say "as soon as this is accomplished things will be good again" cause then you never live in the present. But still, having two heavy exams on your head isn't making your presence nice. But now I will keep on studying and make one step closer to get more knowledge and become more sophisticated or whatever you become when you study economics and programming.

Adios!

Feeling envy and being hurt

I have noticed lately that I envy those who have found love that makes them happy. That single person to share your life with that makes every morning worth getting up for. So while I sit here and think about all the different kinds of love that I have bumped into I wonder why nothing ever works for me... People close who finds each other, people who has an ocean between them who still makes it work, people who have met, fallen in love and then had to part temporary in their life. And they still manage to keep the fire burning, the love never ends. I envy that kind of love. I hate that feeling that you're alone fighting for something that you believe in. I don't believe in "making" the other part do and feel those emotions you feel but realizing it is worse. To understand that the person you love doesn't love you back... That you in the blink of an eye got replaced.

So here I sit, all tired of the random crap that keeps on coming back, all the hurt feelings which makes me think about what "I did wrong", what could I have "done differentely"? I pretend to know the answer and thinks about the things I did wrong and keep telling myself that "I will do it differentely the next time", but do you really listen to it? I like to believe that I have learned something from this, something that I haven't discovered yet, a thing that will teach me the next time on how I should act.

At the same time you think about how far you were ready to go for the person you love, just to be closer. Even here I keep telling myself that the one I love did its best for our relationship, but in the end it wasn't enough for either of us.

I wouldn't say that I am desperate to find love, not now, not anymore. Not after all those stabs in the back. The thing I dislike with it all is that I keep on crying about this bullshit, it never ends. It doesn't matter how many times you go through this, you still get hurt.

So, with that written down I will make myself ready for school and then try and make the best out of it. I hope you all have a sunshine day! ^.^

Jollyday!

After some hard consideration I have decided, and maybe along with Erik too, that we need a better study circle. And we need maybe to fix so that the whole group actually gathers up. But that's our next project, at the moment our main goal is to actually learn something and then use that knowledge for the exams. Good luck on that. But it shouldn't be that hard and seriously we have started on it right?

Now I will get back on studying, well back and back I just got home so I will start studying now.

Weekendfun!

So, it's Saturday evening/night and our song for the Eurovision Song Contest is decided - Charlotte Perelli with the song Hero. I dislike that woman's eyes they are so scary and cold! Though the song is catchy and I think that we in the end will have lots of chances to make it through!

Yesterday I went to Jessica in Munkfors and spent the night there and Yikes how much fun we had! That amount of candy and bad food we had, and the feast that continued when I got home, I dislike food and candy now. Maybe it will make me more motivated now? Hopefully, and I have started to drink tea now and I watch Anime again like a maniac, well at least if you compare to before. But I have lots of things I need to focus on now, stupid school! Nothing is impossible and I shall do my best to actually learn all these things! But then we have the other exam on the next days after that... I'm screwed! >.< Iiiee! Chotto matte kudasai~! Gambatte Kudasai Ewe-chan! HAI! As a finish of today's blog entry I shall tell you all about how much better I feel nowadays. It's all going in the right direction and yes, gloomyness and other nessy things like the Loch Ness are still messing with my head but it'll all be better!

And now the last and fun news for today is following : M+B=True Hohohohohohohohohohoho! Lots of little babies is soon to come!

Me Dream guy

After talking a little to Mathilda on Em Es En about what my "dream guy" would look like or how he'd be I started to think about the question itself. Even though I don't like the thought itself that you have this "checklist" when you look for the Mr.Right, but it's fun to think about the qualities you look for.
So, Mr.Right who are you in my eyes? It's always been hard to really know these kinds of things, I mean, so far I have dated really different guys... But things I like with guys is if they're tall, oh mi gosh! And since I am the cuddly/perverted girl me like hugs and lots of cuddles. *adore* awwe... I still think I am that kind of person who likes attention. Give me Give me! But then again I don't want to be the ONLY person in his life. Of course a sense of humor but still being able to be serious at the right moments.

Note... this is NOT any kind of dating add! This is really getting kind of unfocused so just take it all with a pinch of salt.

Good night lovely people ^.^

Nostalgic

Limping is rather fun, or not. But the backside of my left thigh is much better today, thankfully. One day I shall do this again just to show people that I actually can split. ^.^ I mean when it comes to spreading I'm one of the best. That is why splitting is rather interesting. Enough about that...

So what have I done on a lovely rainy day like today? To sum it all up into a few words I've been to school. Programming all day and I don't get any smarter on it. Bastard JAVA! But I shall conquer the motha ucka! Well at least do my best and hope things will eventually fall down on its right place. Hopefully... This weekend I am heading to Munkfors again! Jessica and I will rock the apartment and it will be a good relaxing for me and she won't beat me in Mario Kart! Or whatever game we played. Reminder for myself : bring the videoplayer and also something to sleep on that isn't a huge bed.

Gosh no my Wasa Sandwich is already eaten up! Well at least I had a nice moment with it. While I enjoyed it I was watching/listening to old Disney songs and also some nice cartoons on Youtube. I feel like such a kiddo now. And I am "borrowing" The Sims from someone online.
I just remembered that Mathias will call me today and then order the tickets for the train here in June! Yay yay yay! Magnus will also fix the tickets soon. Me so happy! I have the best people as friends!
But now it's time for workouts and then also food time and on top of that it'll be a little studying before Lost and Top Model. Yes I am a sucker, I watch Top Model AND Lost.

Have a lovely day and I will talk to you all soon!

Do I need a title today?

Studies are kind of boring at the moment, but I shall make it! The worst thing is the economics I think but I think that we will solve this all just great! Now that we have got a studygroup we shall kick all homeworks ass! Moahaha!

Due to some things that has been up I haven't felt like writing here that much. Good though that I have such amazing friends that makes everything much easier even though some of you make me limp. Stupid Erik. I was just trying to brag and you make me prove the things I could do! (note that I am intentionally making this sound pervert when it's not). So today I got the schedule for the math course that's coming up. [insert very in love smiley] All of the days it's 8:15 - 12:00 and we will try and make it start at 8:30 instead so I don't have to take the super early bus! ^-^

Now I have to eat some so I can go and workout. Taataah!

Work

As many of you know I worked for the university during Wednesday and yesterday so I didn't have to go to class! For those who doesn't know I had to give out a lot of information for the pupils from the upper secondary schools around Värmland. I must say that I did a very good job and it was well payed and I got to talk a lot to my teachers about things that has made me unsure about continuing at the program but now I am sure I have the right thing. So that feels really nice. One thing that isn't nice is the fact that my personal bubble, my own little space got invaded yesterday. This awful deed that happened and my little bubble of privacy was all splashed and destroyed.

I am a very cuddly person who loves hugs and all ways of "touching" but then, when things happens with people I do not know very well, and they intrude on my area, I feel awful. And that something happened yesterday. I am fully aware of the fact that I have to tell the person in question about this but still. >.< "GOSH" - quote from Erik. To talk about something else Wasa Knäckebröd called me today and asked if I wanted to work for them during the weekend. Of all the weekends they have to choose this one when I am going to Gothenburg for Japanese. But they said they would try during Easter Break - a break I don't have now that I am going to the University! I hate this! >.<
Now I will go and relax and prepare for Japanese tomorrow.

A picture I took at the Kent concert a week ago I dig the hand.

In the end...

I think that I can sit here and just wish that things would end up my way. That I, in the end would be able to be with the guy I love and who I would be willing to give and do so much for. But what should you do when he doesn't want it anymore - just keeping on pushing me more and more away.

I continue dreaming me away and just seeing the things I want to see, and the things I dream about. But the more and more energy I lay on this, the more and more disappointed I get. Angry at myself, disappointment too. I mean come on, we're not even together anymore and still I sit and wish that it might be us anyway in the end. The thought itself makes me happy but it makes my heart hurt even more. I have no idea anymore about anything and it makes me annoyed.

If there was a song that would be able to explain all those emotions and feelings that all are boiling inside of me, it would go on repeat all the time. But I haven't found that one yet, but I've promised myself that I won't stop looking for it. Cause I actually love him...and it hurts...Too bad 'Come What May' isn't the same for him anymore like it was when him and me were us. He told me that he didn't want me to be upset... Guess what people, I don't want to be either, but I am rather that then indifferent or all blanc on emotions because me being upset/sad whatever, it shows that it meant something. That it wasn't just a fling, an adventure. I dislike people who can say that they love someone so easily. You should say it cause you mean it and feel it.

Okey. Enough meaningless rambles.

Kent

Bad day

Yes it's a shitty day and now I will leave you uckas for the concert and I will hopefully cheer up until then. >.<

Why shitty?

• Lazy slow day
• Can't find the CD's for my computer and I need them to fix the computer and cure it from all the crap it has inside. :(
  
• I have felt bad cause I was going to delete it all. :(
• I am not dressed yet for concert :(

Over and out. >.<

The Meh-Mood

Okey, so lately I have been feeling rather unmotivated about things in general – didn’t want to write a blog, didn’t want to be on a diet, didn’t want to study, didn’t want to be helpful. Nothing. The past week has been strange indeed. I’m used that he doesn’t talk that much to me, so I haven’t really got an end to it all, but we have broken up… I seriously think I am in denial of some kind. I don’t want to realise that we have actually broken up, but I don’t want to see an end to it either. It wasn’t a good relationship in the long run, it wasn’t but it have given me so much that has made me stronger and actually more willing to try hard to make it work. But a relationship is a two-person-thing, mostly. You can’t just walk around and work your ass off and then the other person just sits and doesn’t help at all. Maybe it’s for the best this all that happened? Only time will tell this time, and I will just wait and see what happens. At least I am not crying every night anymore…

Tonight it’s time for my second concert with Kent! It will be fun to see them again and this time with their new songs since last time!

I am trying to find any kind of motivation to start with the dieting again and I think I will start with it all tomorrow. But it’s rather amazing that I have been cheating with the diet and all that and still I manage not to gain weight! That is rather amazing in my opinion and me soooo happy! Seriously though, I will start with it all tomorrow and then I will rock everyones socks at it!

Now I will stop writing again, I feel rather "meh" about things today, which sucks since the concert is tonight and me like to be all happy about it! I guess it has something to do with the fact that next week I will be going to Göteborg for my Japanese class and I really don't like that class. I like the homework when they are well made but the lessons gosh I dislike them. Some people are so arrogant and the teachers are just making me more insecure about myself. I hate talking in public when it's in Japanese. I mean, I don't learn things that way.

But don't you guys worry about my mood and all that, I know I will be fine I just have to find a little motivation and things will be tip top again! Promise!

The Humans are Dead!

Yes affirmative. I realized I didn't have time to write a blog... xD

The fight goes on! O.O

Some things...

Yes, some things in life makes me rather annoyed. One of those things are grownups who is denying some certain things that has happened in life. Or should I say that they have no clue of but trust one person more than the other. It's hard to know for sure when word stands against word but still, that's one more reason for the grownups to hear it from both sides before they decide who's "right".

I have seen and heard about so many abuses in life and when I get to hear about it today which I did from a friend, it pisses me off. But the thing that is even worse is when it's someone closer. I wish sometimes that when those things happened, that I would've been older and more aware of it all. When I see one person if I am out downtown, I really feel like walking up to that person and just hurt him. But that is wrong as well, but knowing how much a person suffered cause of him. GAH!

It felt nice to let it all out and now I will accompany my mother and watch TV with her.
Have fun ya'll!
*hugs*

EssayTime!

This morning when I woke up I had these brilliant ideas what to write in a blog, it has been the same for the past two days! I can't come up with anything, makes me sad. :(

So what's new? Today I have to spend my whole day writing an essay about Design Patterns, woo hoo. But Erik is back in la Suéde after being on a weekend in England. *whisper* He had a blast. Me so jealous. But me so happy he had a good time! ^.^

At the moment I am having a cold but it's starting to get better which is brilliant! Now I have to start writing that stupid essay so I don't have to stress when Jessica arrives after lunch and later tonight when I am going to make dinner for my family! O.O

Good day!

Video Killed the Radiostar

Poor mother ucka. Be killed by that, such a small thing as video, who know is killed by DVD who is soon to be killed and molested by BlueRay. Too many mother uckas...

So I had a rather good day yesterday out even though the circumstances could've been different but this is for the best. At least for now and it's good that we both agreed on this together so no one sits alone being depressed. Yes it hurts and I can't take away him or my status on communities. Don't ask me why but I just can't... Anyways. Now I am watching a good old movie that they are showing on TV today - Honey, I shrunk the kids. I don't think it needs any explanation and it's so old from late 80's - early 90's and the special effects are so adorable. I love it so it was nice to just relax in front of the TV and feel nostalgic.

Now I will study Japanese now that the movie is done and then I will maybe take a walk tonight. ^.^ Bye lovely fellas!

Break / break up

Not sure what we really did but... I'm ok. Promise!

Absolutely Zero

Current Status = confused... :(

For my Fans

http://nwt.se/ArticlePages/200802/18/20080218200004_623/20080218200004_623.dbp.asp

only in swedish though but it's about me. star melodrama star

Listing Time!!!

Things to do today:

• Japanese homework
• Read some economics and fix my notes
• Clean up in my unorganized room
• Workout tonight and before that fix dinner
• Also check up information at Bredbandsbolaget for Seon - Min

Things that's coming up:

• Gothenburg twice - 8/3 & 17/5
• Kent concert 1/3 in Karlstad
• Versailles X Matenrou Opera concert in Stockholm 30/3
• Cinemas on Friday - premiere for the movie Morgan Pålsson - Världsreporter
• Party on Friday with Jessica
• Cutting hair soon (no date)
  
• Countyfestival for Young Culture Meets in Deje 2-4/5 - oh yes I made it through!
• June the 14th or was it 16th? star melodrama star

I know I've been talking about London too but I have school as well and now that things doesn't look that bright anymore I think I will postpone it all for now.

Make Over -feelings

Yes I do need a make-over and that is soon. I started feeling the need for it awhile ago and a little of it was settled down when I started working out for real, but now - after Jessica's little make over today I need to do it too! I am thinking about it...

My urge to fix my hair started also a lot after seeing this picture from the site http://filipstad.ifolkmun.se

My hair looks like a helmet or some fucked up thing. I need to change it. >.< And I will. My hips look awfully wide too. Wonder what that picture would look like in a Widescreen TV. O.O

Cheers Darlings!

This is how I will cut my hair :

UKM

The direct translation of this event would be Young Culture Meets and that is exactly what it is. Exhibitions, performances and similar stuffs like that was on the menu and I will leave soon to enjoy the menu myself. Though there's only 2 groups who performs and I think we were 3 people with stuffs for the exhibition. Less and less people every year now. Lucky me it's my last year and I don't think I will go through to the county festival this year. I will post some pictures later on my pictures later. One of my pictures ended up with dents after I have glued them up on black paper which sucked, mom and I solved that problem pretty good though as you all will see later.

I met Jessica yesterday and watched Sweeney Todd with her and my mom on the cinemas! Was the premier show and I liked the movie a lot I must say, though I was expecting something more. But you can't have it all and I sat and watched it with much pleasure as I was quietly singing along .
Jessica and I had our own little date too. Since we both are away from our boyfriends and it has been Valentine's Day we said that this was our cute lovely date. It includes lots of laughter and burps at the Kebab House and later at the movies. Ahh good times. Best Date Ever! We have booked the tickets for the concert now but the train tickets are not correct! Wrong dates and all. Jessica is worried to tears and I am angry like never before at those bastards!

I am at the moment in a quest for the song Mathias wanted, after I have listened to it I can remember it and it annoys me like hell cause I want to know now as well. From now on I will only listen to Mathias midi-files that I know includes something I know of or that he isn't asking about. That man gives me trouble in a good way. I Hate Him Not.
Now I will run along and jump onto my big pink/purple cloud and be happy cause I don't feel like dancing and I want to be happy.

Btw. Lately I have noticed guys looking at me. It's scary, maybe they want my legs! O.O Note to Ewe - "cover legs". I'm odd today, and not Odd Fredriksson Odd, I mean like goofy.

Talk to you all later!

So here's some pictures ^.^

The original pictures you can find at http://extension_japan.pixbox.se cause no one of the pictures I took were good cause of the bad lightning combined with my low quality camera. So that picture is the only from the exhibition. Down here are some of the pictures from the Welcome Dinner for the abroad Students ^.^

Randomness

Today it's Valentine's Day, I'm not really that fond of this day but I think it has something to do with all the Hype around it and maybe because I am a bit jealous that I've never been able to spend the day with my loved one. Every year the same old same, but then again maybe it's good to have a day like this so that people that never get much love in their lives get something.

I don't really feel like writing today. Don't have much to say. That was a new one right?

Bye!

Bitch Update!

Yes, I know it was some days ago I wrote something but I haven't had much to write about and due to the little offline time I needed I have just forgot about writing. Sorry.

So what's been up with the lady in black? This week it's been one of the better for a long time so things are starting to improve. Though the course in economics we're having is fucking odd. We had an exam in the beginning of the week and it wasn't THAT hard in my opinion but the thing we're doing now. My reaction about it is "yawn" and "wtf". But my stupid friend Erik is helping me keeping the mood up and also stopping me from concentrating. That arsehole! *fucks with buttplug* MOAHA.

Things feels better now that I've decided to keep my thoughts in a realistic way and just focus on the good stuffs. Though I am not ignoring the bad shit but see it like this, some things you can't do shit about. It'll be OK in the end for fuck sake!

Now I have to run for workout then if I have time later I will maybe write some more. Oh I have to tell you all this! O.O On March 30th I will be in Stockholm and go to a concert! It's two Japanese bands playing! Hurrah! Me and Jessica will be there and almost everything is planned already! It'll be sweet!

*runs*

Powerless

I can't handle it anymore... The breakdowns, all the crying. The reason I go offline all the time is cause I don't want to nag about it all, I don't want to complain I don't want to cry anymore. But I do and with me not dealing with it I push it away for awhile and let it eat me up. Great Strategy Ewe! *4 out of 5 thumbs up for you*

I'm so fucking tired at this shit...

Rather Lame...

Yes, I am. Bye

The ShitGood day

This is the commercial for the new fragrance Bluff. Oh and this weekend Jessica comes home! ^.^ Yayay!

This day has in general been a rather bad one. But one certain package that came along the post car today brighten up so much! [insert red fox]. This package included two discs, DVD discs, with both music and teeny small good things, the best thing with everything was the teeny small good things that was the main reason for this package to be delivered in the first place, a package with teeny small good things including the whole first season of my new love Flight of the Conchords I just love them. Well so far I love the songs in it but I started watching a little before and giggled myself to insanity. I will watch it all night or like as much as I can!

Anyways, finally I got my photos printed though when I went to the car I dropped two out of three so I had to go back and redo them! >.< But they turned out to be rather good I don't think I'll go further to the next "competition", but it doesn't really matter. The reason I choose those pictures is cause they mean something to me and the titles says it all. The thing that isn't decided yet is whether I should have two frames one white around the picture and then a thicker one in black. Hard to decided. Now I will leave for workout.

I Am GrownUp!

To hell with the Legend bullshit. I am Grown Up! I sit and drink coffee and sandwiches I have made to myself = breakfast. Yes that is grown up in my eyes. *melodrama*

Yes this is going to be depressing, but I need to write it. I'm scared. So scared that shitting my pants would be my smallest problem. So what's bugging the brain of Ewe then? What's scaring her? Mainly it's about being alone, I know I have all of you guys, being there for me, supporting me. But what I need is him, and if things turn out the wrong way I'd be so lost. I try to think positive on these things but after the past couple of nights it's hard not to cry. The thought of loosing someone you love, I can't take it. Especially when it's such strong feelings involved. I sat here thinking that HE needs a wake up call, but this morning texting Mandy, I realized that I am the one who needed it. I'm not ready to loose someone I love this much, not over such a stupid thing as distance. Cause in the long run it's the distance who's the bitch, and none of us know how we should deal with this. We deal with it in different ways, I'd blame the gender, because of the fact that he rather make it easy for himself and push me away and I won't give up. Though that has nothing to do with the genders I know but I want to blame and curse something. So Curse Them!

I know I have you boys and girls, I am so thankful for all the times you're listening to my complains and shit. I don't know how I can make it up to you all, but I won't stop until I have made it up to you guys.

All I will do now is wait. I know it'll be worth it.

Snow!

Yes it has snowed for the past few days, today was not different than any other day. The snow means shoveling and since I've got a little money from it before I'll shovel later today again. The snow is both good and bad, the biggest bad thing is that I barely dare to drive when it's too much. Therefore I might not go to workout today, which sucks cause I want to but then I will workout at home instead. The music is slowly becoming mine as we speak.

Yesterday and the day before that I got a fun call from Magnus. Last night he woke me up but I didn't mind, it's always fun to talk to people who actually asks how you are and who are calling. So thank you Magnus for that, and also a thanks to Mathias for the times you have called. Don't think I forget about you that easily - give me candy and you'll be gone. *not*

So today I will continue on my list form yesterday and it's not THAT much to do, I just have to do it that's all and start with it. But now I have talked to my mom and she will help me with some things. Like she did yesterday and cut my bangs! (see picture below). I will cut the hair and then straighten it out more cause now I am going for longer hair. And if I get tired of my bangs there's always good Alice Bands. Weo Weo!

Now I will study! For real!

Check zhe Hair Outz!

• Run/jogging a little today
• Arrange/put up my Keyboard again
• Walk zhe walk/shovel zhe show
  
• Finish the papers with notes for Erik
• Do some programming
• Also some economics
• Clean up in my room.
• Check out zhe new haircut and color/cut zhe bangs
  

what's up?

• Run/jogging a little today
• Arrange/put up my Keyboard again
• Walk zhe walk/shovel zhe show
  
• Finish the papers with notes for Erik
• Do some programming
• Also some economics
• Clean up in my room.
• Check out zhe new haircut and color/cut zhe bangs
  

Don't worry about me, I had a huge attack last night and it was though but I'm OK now I think. Well, not completely but it's on its way kind of, hopefully. It's nice that you people care but I will be OK, cause I have you all.

A lot on my mind...

I want to feel like I am making process in this whole self-developing thing I am trying to figure out. I think I am making progress, but then a little step forward demands a huge one back it feels like. I can't take this, it's driving me bloody insane. I don't know where to go, where to turn who to turn to, no one would make things better it feels like now. It's just, too much. I feel so stupid, so stupid for sitting here and even writing this.

I will just disappear for awhile maybe or not who knows. For fuck sake just... I'll be around... maybe. Gosh...I hope this is just mood swings cause this is driving me insane.

A storm coming up

Aye! The wind blows outside and I will go to bed any minute. Today I worked out for 90 minutes and I can feel it and afterwards I had a nice little short talk to Mathias and Tati aaaand Magnus! ^.^ Me likey them a lot.

Today I felt rather pretty, though I didn't took any pictures, but they will come! Maybe. If I feel like it. I like showing my legs, a lot. Haha. Anyways...I am now going to bed and tomorrow I will write a lot about how I am trying to work on myself and my wellbeing. I can't take this anymore, I need to develop and turn into that person I feel comfortable with. To be honest I am slowly succeeding but I shouldn't hope too much. Will do my best and then maybe we'll see what have happened.

I have called Wasa and I am on their list and hopefully I will be able to get a job there for the summer. ==== lots of cash.
Tomorrow I will count my money and look over my moneyplans and hopefully I will be able to go to London in May. Nice to be there over Spring a little, and with the guy. My guy!

Speaking of him, gosh I miss him. :( Why does it has to cost so much to call him! That asshole thought I would call him btw this weekend after 10 minutes when I meant 10pm. So he didn't answered when I called. Asshole and I was so pissed off at him for it. PMS-ogre yes indeed.

Good night now!

Adios!

Well not like good bye or anything, I am just going to be off a little the next couple of days. Again. The reason this time is that I will need to get a grip of things, I feel lazy and ugly. Yes I will celebrate a thing today with cake, but then I will stop this for 2 weeks then a new celebration will take place. Yatti Yatta. And the thing I am celebrating today is that I made those two exams I did like 2 weeks ago. The programming I passed with like 2.5 points and this one I made it to the highest grade. Me so happy! ^.^


I am also working with fixing the layout on this site so it'll become more Eweish. And now I will go out for a walk! O.O Then re-write my papers so that my fellow Eriku-san can get something in his head. Upperhead that is, not downhead. Eriku-san touched Krille-san's thighs today in the middle of class! O.O it was very exciting! Yet I had to turn away my eyes to the teacher's direction, the little momin ogre!

Taataa!

Changes

Yes, this can't keep on going now. This is so pathetic in my opinion. Why should I just walk around in my own shit like this? It's not that healthy you know! I need to be able to do this alone now, can't rely on others all the time. I know I can do this. (Now Magnus and Mathias sits and wonders, "what is she talking about?") ;)

But it's not that hard really, if you really want some things in life to happen they will. I know I want it so bloody much and then we're halfway through right? There's so much I want to do and want to happen. And they will happen! Why? CAUSE I SAY SO!

So today I will workout some, I will study and I will clean the room a little. I might be able to put up my Keyboard this week! I can't stand this fucking bullshit I am doing to myself. It's an end to all this. Therefore I will leave a bit. Not completely like I have done before but yeah you'll get the deal.

First up on schedule : clean room and then Japanese also call for a job during summer and check up the books for school that yet hasn't arrived. >.<

Video/Song of the day!

The cutest monster of all

How could you not love her?

Busy but having fun

Yes that is what I have been up to. Things have been really stressful now that two new courses have started and it's so much to do in each of them and the books never arrives either which is making me more and more stressed. I think they now have sent me at least 3 out of 4 books. Too bad it wasn't THE one book I felt I really needed at the moment. I'll come up with something, hopefully. The book that's delayed is the one we're using in the course about programming methods for development. If you consider how bad I felt about the previous programming course I really like this one! Mentioning the programming I passed the exam too! I was so shocked and so relieved that I succeeded - 2.5 points over the passing limit is darn close but it's over!

So last night it was a Welcome Dinner at K6 in Karlstad, this was all for the abroad students and it was so fun! Getting to know more people and seeing those "stereotypes" and the "non-stereotypes" I'm telling you all, it was so nice. Too bad I couldn't have followed them out to the next place. One of the hosts I am hosting with in the same group -Mou has offered me a place to stay at the next time so I don't have to take the car and can sleep at her place! She doesn't even know me but offers that, I was so happy. So the next time I will go out and have lots of fun with them! Many of the aboradlings are so fun and so unique. And yes Mathias, they were really pretty and hawt too. star melodrama star I'm so happy that I decided to participate on all this. Next semester I will also try and really get into this and participate even more!

Now it's dinnertime so I am off now cutiepies! You all make me so happy! Some of you that is!

I am the new MacGyver

Yes it is true, at least the magical feeling of him approaching his new struggles. The way he manage to get pass every obstacle, I adore him. Well not really, I don't really feel like I am the new MacGyver, it was more like a figure of speech.

To talk really clear about these things, I have now officially moved on from things. I can feel it for real now and it is awesome. I just felt like telling you guys that. Though I have already told many of you readers about it.

Now I will go to my second class today. Then I will head home for my appointment at the dentist. Maybe go workout later too. ^.^

Adios now Amigos ^.^

Dwelling the past...

I don't want to do that anymore, I can't imagine how much I have nagged about this for you guys. I am now actually hoping that I am moving forward, my feelings about this all have kind of changed. I hope.

I realized that I am a fool for thinking things will be good in June, what is actually stopping me from feeling good again right now? It's a long way left but I feel that I might be able to move on now. I tell myself that at least. I might change my mind but I don't want to now. I want to make progress and I want to be the good ol' bastard Ewe. star shiftyeyes star

Now I will start drawing again. I have been looking forward to that. ^.^

The clearest memory I have from when we met was when we had to part...

The night it all went away

I'm not so sure about the fact that it's completely gone but at least I got to say a lot of the things I've had on my mind. It even took place on the same places, just a few different people but the main characters were in it and I got to scream, and I yelled and I was so pissed off. So it was a nice and good way to feel a bit easier with everything going on. I feel this calm feelings inside, it is really nice. And guess what! Yesterday I started reading a book! A book that I don't have to read cause of school, a book that I wanted to read. Was quite some time now since I did that.

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.

Adios!

The hard Dilemma

I have a friend, lets call him Mathias. He's one of those guys who can sit and wonder for hours if he should buy pizza on a faithful Saturday Night like this.

My Dilemma of the evening and the past few days now have been around the exhibition - young culture meeting thingie. So now I sit here with some photos with potential and I can't mix them and match them. It makes me go crazy...

Now I will sit and stare. ^.^

The story about being genuinely Happy

After writing this blog and deleting it I will now write this blog entrance once and for all. As I have told at least Mathias already my mood today has been up and down, that is no lie. It's also very frustrating to feel it too, but maybe it's all the stress. Everything starts to feel better, more and more especially now that I today got involved with the abroad students. I gave one guy from Canada, a banana and a Wasa-sandwich, my good banana! *cries* The reason to this gesture was cause he told me he had barely eaten due to the trip and he didn't know anyone else so I felt responsible over him. Good that I wasn't a guy asking a girl "If you want to you can have my banana."

To talk serious business here, I am waiting for the meeting with the Student guide so I have been sitting here in an empty cafeteria for 3 hours soon. Thank you lord for giving me the brain to bring a computer. I am a little worried though cause of the waiting later to 7 pm. Going to meet up with the abroad students in my group and my two co-hosts. Can't wait! Then we are going back to Campus to party a little and then I will be heading home around 9 or maybe 9.30. We'll see. I want to stay and hang out with them and get to know them.

Tomorrow I am going to visit Jessica at her new place in Munkfors. Staying to Saturday, then I know I will be home all relaxed and just enjoying the evening. Gosh I want a banana now! Where is Mathias when you need him? "blush"

Well I should get going I guess I hope the bitch is nice. <.<>

Me like you long time Punani!

Dancing on clouds

I made if through the night. Now I am in a party mood and I have to study, but maybe that is good? At least I will have the energy for it always a plus I guess. Erik promised he'd be at my service today if I needed help. star melodrama star you gotta love friends like that. ^.^

From having a kind of a strange evening last night I have now this calmness inside. A feeling that makes pieces fall back in place (you want a piece of me?) ^_______^ I am now looking forward to tomorrow when I have finished studying and my exam will be soon to be over. When I get to have the meeting about my future in school, what I can choose to do, what I can do about my studying abroad plans. We'll see what happens. Anyways, after the meeting I might get to meet up with the students from abroad! Get to know them a little and just have a good time. It's good cause I can choose when to leave back to home since I have the car then.

But now I will study for real - after fixing my hair.

If one fly away there's always ten staying. - To my lovely friends

Exams 1 out of 2

Today I have had one of the two exams. Now I will study for the next one. BUT! I can tell you all that now I have got an appointment with the students council on Thursday after the other exam. I can't wait for that one! Maybe then after that I will be meeting up with the abroad students and going to meet them for the first time! Yay!

Now I should study. But it's really nice to just sit and relax your head for a little bit too. Talk to you guys later!

Buh bye!

Happy Birthday to Mos!

Today, my first real best friend has her birthday. My little darling is now 20! - and here I sit, only 19 years 1 month and 14 days. >.< But she is so wise, like an owl so her age suits her!
So a huge happy birthday to my lovely Alma/Mos. *giggle*

Now I have to study. >.<>.< But I will do my best! And now I have taken some photographies! Will take the ones I like and bring them to my old art teacher on Friday and let her help me decide which picture to take!

Happy Birthday once again my little mos!

//Ewelina

Creative

Yes. I am starting to feel it again, I want to create things again. I even woke up early today to be able to go out and take lots of photos. Stupid raining! I wasn't able to go out and photos. Today I also have to really study hard. I want to pass these two exams I really do - who doesn't want to pass an exam? "okej"

I think I will make a painting today. I really feel like it. Will check out some stuffs online after inspiration and then paint some. But I have plenty of inspiration already though. All is Ciaran's fault, it's also Mathias, Magnus, Tatjana and Sarah's fault (and many other) . Many of you are responsible for my inspiration really. Some may just say that that is crazyness, but it's not crazyness for me. Some of you say things that inspires me, I admire you all for you strength and passion for things that makes you all special. You are all precious to me. And that is why I am willing to live all alone, with the knowledge you'd all be there when I am going online. When the time is here, we'd all be seeing each other and just have a blast!

Today's Word of Wisdom is something I am going to start on here. Today it is from a little Midget who's name is Sarah:

"You're just a hop skip and a jump away from him in global perspective."

Song of today: Aerosmith - Crying

Awe

Kiss of a Rose

It's a hard feeling. All that's inside and all the things around. I can't focus and I don't know what's wrong. I just don't, so I start finding the wrong things in my life that aren't such a big deal. Drama Queen, yup probably. But many of the things that I find are important in a way too. I think, I feel the way I do just cause I'm scared, this unsure feeling. Mixed with this feeling that what I'm feeling is wrong, or an ugly feeling, despicable. And I do feel so just cause of the reaction and all the drama that happened around it. I have to move on, I can't do anything, I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't care cause the people I want in my life are there. Why nag about those people who left?

I'm gone for a little more just to figure out more things. But what I do know is that I've been unfair, but at the same time I've been treated with much unfairness as well. Things like that has to be solved before I can start feeling the way I want to. It's like this roller-coaster, sometimes I'm so sure what I need to do for me and other times I am so unsure it just beats me down.

And I choose to talk with some people more than others, please understand that it has nothing to do with the person in question nor about the trust I have in that person. I just need some cause I know I need them.


Ciaran, dai suki!!! ~Note, has nothing to do with suckie all night long~

I won't ruin things that means something.
That has a meaning for me.
People that has "sex" as their thing. ;)
People that brings out the fun in you.
Those few that are priority always.
My crew. My VIP-crowd.

Wow...that wasn't ego at all ;)

101 blog entries

Due to some other things in my life I am now choosing to go offline a couple of days. I might be on msn some time but don't count on it. I'll write here on my blog and to all of you people that I called sucker, don't take it personally. I'm just a bit sick and tired of shit. Sorry if you took it bad.

Don't worry about me. Seriously, this is just temporary.

A break

Due to the lack of comments I won't write anything more for a while now. Suckers.

mé grá sibh

It's the first thing I've taught myself in Irish.

Mé Grá Sibh - I love you
(directly translated I think)

Tá mé i ngrá leat
(this is the best way I think)

I want to be proud
Those few times
That I look at myself
For real in the mirror

I can do this. I know I can. I'll cheer for myself.
I can be anyone I want to be.
I can be perfect in the ending too.

One night

I have now spent some hours with Mathias on skype. This is what happens.

Partying

Yes, I've mentioned to some of you that when I was at that party on New Year's Eve, I later got an invitation to a guy who also were at the party. That party is this weekend, not sure if it was tonight or tomorrow anyways, I will not go.

1. I don't know anyone there I think.
2. I don't have anyone to go with.
   
3. I think that guys seems to be wanting more. I don't want to throw away things with Ciaran for something silly as that. Besides, that guy, Björn would be a fun friend only.

I really love my new sweater. It's just a regular one but it feels so good and makes me look a little skinnier than I am. Woo hoo! I stood on the scale today and I can only say that I am happy I have bought that workout card that'll last to week 22. I have also decided to decrease my food amount, can't eat like a horse anymore.

What else will happen? Well, to tell you the truth I will study today, for real. I will at least read through my notes and I think that is a good start. And I will definitely email my student council today and ask them out about what my options are if I want to do something else. I have to have figured it out before 1st of February as well. I will make this cause this is what I want. And I want it for me, the rest that comes along will be a bonus. Totally. And if I move you have to come to visit me! ^.^

Back to work now. I'm super, thanks for asking ;)
// Ewelina

Lovely day!

I've found the most comfortable sweater in the world and I got it on sale so it was cheap as well. A dark blue sweater which looks perfect with a white top under it. Happiness are overwhelming me at the moment. I miss Ciaran though, a lot. I've tried writing him a letter but it just end up with me rambling and trust me, sometimes that can be a baaaad thing.
(NOTE: it's not pervy at all. Seriously.)

So today I am going to shovel a lot of snow cause it's been snowing a lot today, it's now more than 10 centimeters outside. Lovely indeed! It's kind of amazing though how you could feel so good again, just like this. I nowadays even feel like writing stuffs, then again I have nothing to write. I never succeeded in writing stories as a kiddo and poems, I suck so badly at them. But blogs and meaningless text messages I am awesome at.

I wonder which artist I show up among if you google them. (NOTE: See Magnus Bodén's blog or just google on Britney Spears) Hilarious. Yet I was too lazy to check through all the 10000 pages of Britney so I narrowed the search to simply "Britney Spears Blaeffo".

Now I will do something more creative than this, it just stopped snowing so I guess I will be outside if you are searching me. *melodrama*

Toodles!

(NOTE: Hi Sarah btw) *shiftyeyes*

An Achivement

What can I say, in a couple of days I have gone from this sad and unsure girl to someone who actually starts to feel good about herself again. Yay me.

I won't write a sum up of the year 2007 and I won't write tops and downs about the year in general. I'm only looking forward and today I will check up new courses to take at uni and also write some emails to the people that can help me come closer to my goals!

I love my hair today. So I have to show it to you. I have done nothing with it and it feels niiice.