Rather Strange...

My room is rather clean now, I just have to do something about all the crap that lies all random in my bookshelves. Though I don't feel that I can do something smart about it and I don't want to throw away something. Damn you bookshelves! I shall conquer you and then I shall laugh you in the face!

That's my plan at the moment. I have just stepped back a few steps...Meaning I am listening to my old music, this is including both pop like Blue, 5ive and a little Michael Jackson as well, then I am listening to some Soundtracks to Rocky and Rambo and similar music. Then, we have the pile of Death Metal and Black Metal, the huge scream "songs". But I can't really complain, I am enjoying the shit out of this. ^.^ And tomorrow I am going to Stockholm with Jessica and we are going to see Matenrou Opera and Versailles it's going to be so much fun! I haven't really listened much to either of the bands but who cares? Concerts are nice! I just discovered that Miyavi is coming to Sweden this summer! First of July to be more specific, the first Japanese artist I really listened to. But I don't think there's any possibility for me to go there. I mean if I have work and all that. It costs. But I have that if Gackt or Rentrer En Soi is coming here I am fucking going whatever the cost is! But I want to see Miyavi too!! Stupid Limit of time and money.

So now that I have been strange enough this morning I will go and try rape the bookshelves.
Talk to ya all later!

Freedom!

Yes I am back! Have finished the two exams now so from now on to Monday I am free!!!! I had my first exam on Tuesday and that was in Software Development Methodology, I hope I did well, at least I did my best but I can't say that I have focused much on this one. All my energy was put down to the exam we had yesterday in Economics. Yikes how boring it is and it makes no sense and if you sit and try to study to it and follow the rules and all that shit, it's still wrong, "why?" you ask? Because they felt like adding a thousand more stuffs to it! I did my best on that one too but sometimes it feels like I failed them both. I hope they are generous with the points. That way I might score something so I might make it!

After the exam yesterday, me and the fellow gang bangers : Erik, Linda and Derrick(who got his driver's license yesterday btw) took my car and went downtown to dah city! To quote Erik a bit they were Sushi virgins and to quote me I took their Sushi virginity away. star melodrama star
After the tasty sushi we went to book the tickets to see a movie! After a lot of disagreements we decided that we were going to see Spiderwick, it was very good movie I think. I thought it would suck a little cause it was so new and based on a fantasy Chronicle but I liked it so now I will go and get the books!

Now I will enjoy my day and actually clean up a bit here at home but first I will go and get some stuffs! Have a nice day ya'll! And thanks for the support all the time! Me like you long time!

Studies during Easter

Yes I really don't have time to sit here and tell you all about my lovely life, but just for you my friend I shall write. It's a lovely sunny weather outside and I could sit and just stare out in the blue. It's always like that when you have something important to do. Sadly.

For the moment I am listening to Damien Rice's CD Live from the Union Chapel. Perfect music to study to in my opinion, yet I get kind of distracted when I keep dreaming back to the time last summer, at the front row seeing him live, being so happy without any particular problem that bothered me. I don't mean to sound gloomy or anything, to be honest I am really cheerful nowadays as things are taking a turn for the better. On Thursday, when the exams are over, and everything is starting over again I can feel relaxed hopefully. Yet I don't believe in those terms when you say "as soon as this is accomplished things will be good again" cause then you never live in the present. But still, having two heavy exams on your head isn't making your presence nice. But now I will keep on studying and make one step closer to get more knowledge and become more sophisticated or whatever you become when you study economics and programming.

Adios!

Feeling envy and being hurt

I have noticed lately that I envy those who have found love that makes them happy. That single person to share your life with that makes every morning worth getting up for. So while I sit here and think about all the different kinds of love that I have bumped into I wonder why nothing ever works for me... People close who finds each other, people who has an ocean between them who still makes it work, people who have met, fallen in love and then had to part temporary in their life. And they still manage to keep the fire burning, the love never ends. I envy that kind of love. I hate that feeling that you're alone fighting for something that you believe in. I don't believe in "making" the other part do and feel those emotions you feel but realizing it is worse. To understand that the person you love doesn't love you back... That you in the blink of an eye got replaced.

So here I sit, all tired of the random crap that keeps on coming back, all the hurt feelings which makes me think about what "I did wrong", what could I have "done differentely"? I pretend to know the answer and thinks about the things I did wrong and keep telling myself that "I will do it differentely the next time", but do you really listen to it? I like to believe that I have learned something from this, something that I haven't discovered yet, a thing that will teach me the next time on how I should act.

At the same time you think about how far you were ready to go for the person you love, just to be closer. Even here I keep telling myself that the one I love did its best for our relationship, but in the end it wasn't enough for either of us.

I wouldn't say that I am desperate to find love, not now, not anymore. Not after all those stabs in the back. The thing I dislike with it all is that I keep on crying about this bullshit, it never ends. It doesn't matter how many times you go through this, you still get hurt.

So, with that written down I will make myself ready for school and then try and make the best out of it. I hope you all have a sunshine day! ^.^

Jollyday!

After some hard consideration I have decided, and maybe along with Erik too, that we need a better study circle. And we need maybe to fix so that the whole group actually gathers up. But that's our next project, at the moment our main goal is to actually learn something and then use that knowledge for the exams. Good luck on that. But it shouldn't be that hard and seriously we have started on it right?

Now I will get back on studying, well back and back I just got home so I will start studying now.

Weekendfun!

So, it's Saturday evening/night and our song for the Eurovision Song Contest is decided - Charlotte Perelli with the song Hero. I dislike that woman's eyes they are so scary and cold! Though the song is catchy and I think that we in the end will have lots of chances to make it through!

Yesterday I went to Jessica in Munkfors and spent the night there and Yikes how much fun we had! That amount of candy and bad food we had, and the feast that continued when I got home, I dislike food and candy now. Maybe it will make me more motivated now? Hopefully, and I have started to drink tea now and I watch Anime again like a maniac, well at least if you compare to before. But I have lots of things I need to focus on now, stupid school! Nothing is impossible and I shall do my best to actually learn all these things! But then we have the other exam on the next days after that... I'm screwed! >.< Iiiee! Chotto matte kudasai~! Gambatte Kudasai Ewe-chan! HAI! As a finish of today's blog entry I shall tell you all about how much better I feel nowadays. It's all going in the right direction and yes, gloomyness and other nessy things like the Loch Ness are still messing with my head but it'll all be better!

And now the last and fun news for today is following : M+B=True Hohohohohohohohohohoho! Lots of little babies is soon to come!

Me Dream guy

After talking a little to Mathilda on Em Es En about what my "dream guy" would look like or how he'd be I started to think about the question itself. Even though I don't like the thought itself that you have this "checklist" when you look for the Mr.Right, but it's fun to think about the qualities you look for.
So, Mr.Right who are you in my eyes? It's always been hard to really know these kinds of things, I mean, so far I have dated really different guys... But things I like with guys is if they're tall, oh mi gosh! And since I am the cuddly/perverted girl me like hugs and lots of cuddles. *adore* awwe... I still think I am that kind of person who likes attention. Give me Give me! But then again I don't want to be the ONLY person in his life. Of course a sense of humor but still being able to be serious at the right moments.

Note... this is NOT any kind of dating add! This is really getting kind of unfocused so just take it all with a pinch of salt.

Good night lovely people ^.^

Nostalgic

Limping is rather fun, or not. But the backside of my left thigh is much better today, thankfully. One day I shall do this again just to show people that I actually can split. ^.^ I mean when it comes to spreading I'm one of the best. That is why splitting is rather interesting. Enough about that...

So what have I done on a lovely rainy day like today? To sum it all up into a few words I've been to school. Programming all day and I don't get any smarter on it. Bastard JAVA! But I shall conquer the motha ucka! Well at least do my best and hope things will eventually fall down on its right place. Hopefully... This weekend I am heading to Munkfors again! Jessica and I will rock the apartment and it will be a good relaxing for me and she won't beat me in Mario Kart! Or whatever game we played. Reminder for myself : bring the videoplayer and also something to sleep on that isn't a huge bed.

Gosh no my Wasa Sandwich is already eaten up! Well at least I had a nice moment with it. While I enjoyed it I was watching/listening to old Disney songs and also some nice cartoons on Youtube. I feel like such a kiddo now. And I am "borrowing" The Sims from someone online.
I just remembered that Mathias will call me today and then order the tickets for the train here in June! Yay yay yay! Magnus will also fix the tickets soon. Me so happy! I have the best people as friends!
But now it's time for workouts and then also food time and on top of that it'll be a little studying before Lost and Top Model. Yes I am a sucker, I watch Top Model AND Lost.

Have a lovely day and I will talk to you all soon!

Do I need a title today?

Studies are kind of boring at the moment, but I shall make it! The worst thing is the economics I think but I think that we will solve this all just great! Now that we have got a studygroup we shall kick all homeworks ass! Moahaha!

Due to some things that has been up I haven't felt like writing here that much. Good though that I have such amazing friends that makes everything much easier even though some of you make me limp. Stupid Erik. I was just trying to brag and you make me prove the things I could do! (note that I am intentionally making this sound pervert when it's not). So today I got the schedule for the math course that's coming up. [insert very in love smiley] All of the days it's 8:15 - 12:00 and we will try and make it start at 8:30 instead so I don't have to take the super early bus! ^-^

Now I have to eat some so I can go and workout. Taataah!

Work

As many of you know I worked for the university during Wednesday and yesterday so I didn't have to go to class! For those who doesn't know I had to give out a lot of information for the pupils from the upper secondary schools around Värmland. I must say that I did a very good job and it was well payed and I got to talk a lot to my teachers about things that has made me unsure about continuing at the program but now I am sure I have the right thing. So that feels really nice. One thing that isn't nice is the fact that my personal bubble, my own little space got invaded yesterday. This awful deed that happened and my little bubble of privacy was all splashed and destroyed.

I am a very cuddly person who loves hugs and all ways of "touching" but then, when things happens with people I do not know very well, and they intrude on my area, I feel awful. And that something happened yesterday. I am fully aware of the fact that I have to tell the person in question about this but still. >.< "GOSH" - quote from Erik. To talk about something else Wasa Knäckebröd called me today and asked if I wanted to work for them during the weekend. Of all the weekends they have to choose this one when I am going to Gothenburg for Japanese. But they said they would try during Easter Break - a break I don't have now that I am going to the University! I hate this! >.<
Now I will go and relax and prepare for Japanese tomorrow.

A picture I took at the Kent concert a week ago I dig the hand.

In the end...

I think that I can sit here and just wish that things would end up my way. That I, in the end would be able to be with the guy I love and who I would be willing to give and do so much for. But what should you do when he doesn't want it anymore - just keeping on pushing me more and more away.

I continue dreaming me away and just seeing the things I want to see, and the things I dream about. But the more and more energy I lay on this, the more and more disappointed I get. Angry at myself, disappointment too. I mean come on, we're not even together anymore and still I sit and wish that it might be us anyway in the end. The thought itself makes me happy but it makes my heart hurt even more. I have no idea anymore about anything and it makes me annoyed.

If there was a song that would be able to explain all those emotions and feelings that all are boiling inside of me, it would go on repeat all the time. But I haven't found that one yet, but I've promised myself that I won't stop looking for it. Cause I actually love him...and it hurts...Too bad 'Come What May' isn't the same for him anymore like it was when him and me were us. He told me that he didn't want me to be upset... Guess what people, I don't want to be either, but I am rather that then indifferent or all blanc on emotions because me being upset/sad whatever, it shows that it meant something. That it wasn't just a fling, an adventure. I dislike people who can say that they love someone so easily. You should say it cause you mean it and feel it.

Okey. Enough meaningless rambles.

Kent

Bad day

Yes it's a shitty day and now I will leave you uckas for the concert and I will hopefully cheer up until then. >.<

Why shitty?

• Lazy slow day
• Can't find the CD's for my computer and I need them to fix the computer and cure it from all the crap it has inside. :(
  
• I have felt bad cause I was going to delete it all. :(
• I am not dressed yet for concert :(

Over and out. >.<

The Meh-Mood

Okey, so lately I have been feeling rather unmotivated about things in general – didn’t want to write a blog, didn’t want to be on a diet, didn’t want to study, didn’t want to be helpful. Nothing. The past week has been strange indeed. I’m used that he doesn’t talk that much to me, so I haven’t really got an end to it all, but we have broken up… I seriously think I am in denial of some kind. I don’t want to realise that we have actually broken up, but I don’t want to see an end to it either. It wasn’t a good relationship in the long run, it wasn’t but it have given me so much that has made me stronger and actually more willing to try hard to make it work. But a relationship is a two-person-thing, mostly. You can’t just walk around and work your ass off and then the other person just sits and doesn’t help at all. Maybe it’s for the best this all that happened? Only time will tell this time, and I will just wait and see what happens. At least I am not crying every night anymore…

Tonight it’s time for my second concert with Kent! It will be fun to see them again and this time with their new songs since last time!

I am trying to find any kind of motivation to start with the dieting again and I think I will start with it all tomorrow. But it’s rather amazing that I have been cheating with the diet and all that and still I manage not to gain weight! That is rather amazing in my opinion and me soooo happy! Seriously though, I will start with it all tomorrow and then I will rock everyones socks at it!

Now I will stop writing again, I feel rather "meh" about things today, which sucks since the concert is tonight and me like to be all happy about it! I guess it has something to do with the fact that next week I will be going to Göteborg for my Japanese class and I really don't like that class. I like the homework when they are well made but the lessons gosh I dislike them. Some people are so arrogant and the teachers are just making me more insecure about myself. I hate talking in public when it's in Japanese. I mean, I don't learn things that way.

But don't you guys worry about my mood and all that, I know I will be fine I just have to find a little motivation and things will be tip top again! Promise!