A storm coming up

Aye! The wind blows outside and I will go to bed any minute. Today I worked out for 90 minutes and I can feel it and afterwards I had a nice little short talk to Mathias and Tati aaaand Magnus! ^.^ Me likey them a lot.

Today I felt rather pretty, though I didn't took any pictures, but they will come! Maybe. If I feel like it. I like showing my legs, a lot. Haha. Anyways...I am now going to bed and tomorrow I will write a lot about how I am trying to work on myself and my wellbeing. I can't take this anymore, I need to develop and turn into that person I feel comfortable with. To be honest I am slowly succeeding but I shouldn't hope too much. Will do my best and then maybe we'll see what have happened.

I have called Wasa and I am on their list and hopefully I will be able to get a job there for the summer. ==== lots of cash.
Tomorrow I will count my money and look over my moneyplans and hopefully I will be able to go to London in May. Nice to be there over Spring a little, and with the guy. My guy!

Speaking of him, gosh I miss him. :( Why does it has to cost so much to call him! That asshole thought I would call him btw this weekend after 10 minutes when I meant 10pm. So he didn't answered when I called. Asshole and I was so pissed off at him for it. PMS-ogre yes indeed.

Good night now!

Adios!

Well not like good bye or anything, I am just going to be off a little the next couple of days. Again. The reason this time is that I will need to get a grip of things, I feel lazy and ugly. Yes I will celebrate a thing today with cake, but then I will stop this for 2 weeks then a new celebration will take place. Yatti Yatta. And the thing I am celebrating today is that I made those two exams I did like 2 weeks ago. The programming I passed with like 2.5 points and this one I made it to the highest grade. Me so happy! ^.^


I am also working with fixing the layout on this site so it'll become more Eweish. And now I will go out for a walk! O.O Then re-write my papers so that my fellow Eriku-san can get something in his head. Upperhead that is, not downhead. Eriku-san touched Krille-san's thighs today in the middle of class! O.O it was very exciting! Yet I had to turn away my eyes to the teacher's direction, the little momin ogre!

Taataa!

Changes

Yes, this can't keep on going now. This is so pathetic in my opinion. Why should I just walk around in my own shit like this? It's not that healthy you know! I need to be able to do this alone now, can't rely on others all the time. I know I can do this. (Now Magnus and Mathias sits and wonders, "what is she talking about?") ;)

But it's not that hard really, if you really want some things in life to happen they will. I know I want it so bloody much and then we're halfway through right? There's so much I want to do and want to happen. And they will happen! Why? CAUSE I SAY SO!

So today I will workout some, I will study and I will clean the room a little. I might be able to put up my Keyboard this week! I can't stand this fucking bullshit I am doing to myself. It's an end to all this. Therefore I will leave a bit. Not completely like I have done before but yeah you'll get the deal.

First up on schedule : clean room and then Japanese also call for a job during summer and check up the books for school that yet hasn't arrived. >.<

Video/Song of the day!

The cutest monster of all

How could you not love her?

Busy but having fun

Yes that is what I have been up to. Things have been really stressful now that two new courses have started and it's so much to do in each of them and the books never arrives either which is making me more and more stressed. I think they now have sent me at least 3 out of 4 books. Too bad it wasn't THE one book I felt I really needed at the moment. I'll come up with something, hopefully. The book that's delayed is the one we're using in the course about programming methods for development. If you consider how bad I felt about the previous programming course I really like this one! Mentioning the programming I passed the exam too! I was so shocked and so relieved that I succeeded - 2.5 points over the passing limit is darn close but it's over!

So last night it was a Welcome Dinner at K6 in Karlstad, this was all for the abroad students and it was so fun! Getting to know more people and seeing those "stereotypes" and the "non-stereotypes" I'm telling you all, it was so nice. Too bad I couldn't have followed them out to the next place. One of the hosts I am hosting with in the same group -Mou has offered me a place to stay at the next time so I don't have to take the car and can sleep at her place! She doesn't even know me but offers that, I was so happy. So the next time I will go out and have lots of fun with them! Many of the aboradlings are so fun and so unique. And yes Mathias, they were really pretty and hawt too. star melodrama star I'm so happy that I decided to participate on all this. Next semester I will also try and really get into this and participate even more!

Now it's dinnertime so I am off now cutiepies! You all make me so happy! Some of you that is!

I am the new MacGyver

Yes it is true, at least the magical feeling of him approaching his new struggles. The way he manage to get pass every obstacle, I adore him. Well not really, I don't really feel like I am the new MacGyver, it was more like a figure of speech.

To talk really clear about these things, I have now officially moved on from things. I can feel it for real now and it is awesome. I just felt like telling you guys that. Though I have already told many of you readers about it.

Now I will go to my second class today. Then I will head home for my appointment at the dentist. Maybe go workout later too. ^.^

Adios now Amigos ^.^

Dwelling the past...

I don't want to do that anymore, I can't imagine how much I have nagged about this for you guys. I am now actually hoping that I am moving forward, my feelings about this all have kind of changed. I hope.

I realized that I am a fool for thinking things will be good in June, what is actually stopping me from feeling good again right now? It's a long way left but I feel that I might be able to move on now. I tell myself that at least. I might change my mind but I don't want to now. I want to make progress and I want to be the good ol' bastard Ewe. star shiftyeyes star

Now I will start drawing again. I have been looking forward to that. ^.^

The clearest memory I have from when we met was when we had to part...

The night it all went away

I'm not so sure about the fact that it's completely gone but at least I got to say a lot of the things I've had on my mind. It even took place on the same places, just a few different people but the main characters were in it and I got to scream, and I yelled and I was so pissed off. So it was a nice and good way to feel a bit easier with everything going on. I feel this calm feelings inside, it is really nice. And guess what! Yesterday I started reading a book! A book that I don't have to read cause of school, a book that I wanted to read. Was quite some time now since I did that.

American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis.

Adios!

The hard Dilemma

I have a friend, lets call him Mathias. He's one of those guys who can sit and wonder for hours if he should buy pizza on a faithful Saturday Night like this.

My Dilemma of the evening and the past few days now have been around the exhibition - young culture meeting thingie. So now I sit here with some photos with potential and I can't mix them and match them. It makes me go crazy...

Now I will sit and stare. ^.^

The story about being genuinely Happy

After writing this blog and deleting it I will now write this blog entrance once and for all. As I have told at least Mathias already my mood today has been up and down, that is no lie. It's also very frustrating to feel it too, but maybe it's all the stress. Everything starts to feel better, more and more especially now that I today got involved with the abroad students. I gave one guy from Canada, a banana and a Wasa-sandwich, my good banana! *cries* The reason to this gesture was cause he told me he had barely eaten due to the trip and he didn't know anyone else so I felt responsible over him. Good that I wasn't a guy asking a girl "If you want to you can have my banana."

To talk serious business here, I am waiting for the meeting with the Student guide so I have been sitting here in an empty cafeteria for 3 hours soon. Thank you lord for giving me the brain to bring a computer. I am a little worried though cause of the waiting later to 7 pm. Going to meet up with the abroad students in my group and my two co-hosts. Can't wait! Then we are going back to Campus to party a little and then I will be heading home around 9 or maybe 9.30. We'll see. I want to stay and hang out with them and get to know them.

Tomorrow I am going to visit Jessica at her new place in Munkfors. Staying to Saturday, then I know I will be home all relaxed and just enjoying the evening. Gosh I want a banana now! Where is Mathias when you need him? "blush"

Well I should get going I guess I hope the bitch is nice. <.<>

Me like you long time Punani!

Dancing on clouds

I made if through the night. Now I am in a party mood and I have to study, but maybe that is good? At least I will have the energy for it always a plus I guess. Erik promised he'd be at my service today if I needed help. star melodrama star you gotta love friends like that. ^.^

From having a kind of a strange evening last night I have now this calmness inside. A feeling that makes pieces fall back in place (you want a piece of me?) ^_______^ I am now looking forward to tomorrow when I have finished studying and my exam will be soon to be over. When I get to have the meeting about my future in school, what I can choose to do, what I can do about my studying abroad plans. We'll see what happens. Anyways, after the meeting I might get to meet up with the students from abroad! Get to know them a little and just have a good time. It's good cause I can choose when to leave back to home since I have the car then.

But now I will study for real - after fixing my hair.

If one fly away there's always ten staying. - To my lovely friends

Exams 1 out of 2

Today I have had one of the two exams. Now I will study for the next one. BUT! I can tell you all that now I have got an appointment with the students council on Thursday after the other exam. I can't wait for that one! Maybe then after that I will be meeting up with the abroad students and going to meet them for the first time! Yay!

Now I should study. But it's really nice to just sit and relax your head for a little bit too. Talk to you guys later!

Buh bye!

Happy Birthday to Mos!

Today, my first real best friend has her birthday. My little darling is now 20! - and here I sit, only 19 years 1 month and 14 days. >.< But she is so wise, like an owl so her age suits her!
So a huge happy birthday to my lovely Alma/Mos. *giggle*

Now I have to study. >.<>.< But I will do my best! And now I have taken some photographies! Will take the ones I like and bring them to my old art teacher on Friday and let her help me decide which picture to take!

Happy Birthday once again my little mos!

//Ewelina

Creative

Yes. I am starting to feel it again, I want to create things again. I even woke up early today to be able to go out and take lots of photos. Stupid raining! I wasn't able to go out and photos. Today I also have to really study hard. I want to pass these two exams I really do - who doesn't want to pass an exam? "okej"

I think I will make a painting today. I really feel like it. Will check out some stuffs online after inspiration and then paint some. But I have plenty of inspiration already though. All is Ciaran's fault, it's also Mathias, Magnus, Tatjana and Sarah's fault (and many other) . Many of you are responsible for my inspiration really. Some may just say that that is crazyness, but it's not crazyness for me. Some of you say things that inspires me, I admire you all for you strength and passion for things that makes you all special. You are all precious to me. And that is why I am willing to live all alone, with the knowledge you'd all be there when I am going online. When the time is here, we'd all be seeing each other and just have a blast!

Today's Word of Wisdom is something I am going to start on here. Today it is from a little Midget who's name is Sarah:

"You're just a hop skip and a jump away from him in global perspective."

Song of today: Aerosmith - Crying

Awe

Kiss of a Rose

It's a hard feeling. All that's inside and all the things around. I can't focus and I don't know what's wrong. I just don't, so I start finding the wrong things in my life that aren't such a big deal. Drama Queen, yup probably. But many of the things that I find are important in a way too. I think, I feel the way I do just cause I'm scared, this unsure feeling. Mixed with this feeling that what I'm feeling is wrong, or an ugly feeling, despicable. And I do feel so just cause of the reaction and all the drama that happened around it. I have to move on, I can't do anything, I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't care cause the people I want in my life are there. Why nag about those people who left?

I'm gone for a little more just to figure out more things. But what I do know is that I've been unfair, but at the same time I've been treated with much unfairness as well. Things like that has to be solved before I can start feeling the way I want to. It's like this roller-coaster, sometimes I'm so sure what I need to do for me and other times I am so unsure it just beats me down.

And I choose to talk with some people more than others, please understand that it has nothing to do with the person in question nor about the trust I have in that person. I just need some cause I know I need them.


Ciaran, dai suki!!! ~Note, has nothing to do with suckie all night long~

I won't ruin things that means something.
That has a meaning for me.
People that has "sex" as their thing. ;)
People that brings out the fun in you.
Those few that are priority always.
My crew. My VIP-crowd.

Wow...that wasn't ego at all ;)

101 blog entries

Due to some other things in my life I am now choosing to go offline a couple of days. I might be on msn some time but don't count on it. I'll write here on my blog and to all of you people that I called sucker, don't take it personally. I'm just a bit sick and tired of shit. Sorry if you took it bad.

Don't worry about me. Seriously, this is just temporary.

A break

Due to the lack of comments I won't write anything more for a while now. Suckers.

mé grá sibh

It's the first thing I've taught myself in Irish.

Mé Grá Sibh - I love you
(directly translated I think)

Tá mé i ngrá leat
(this is the best way I think)

I want to be proud
Those few times
That I look at myself
For real in the mirror

I can do this. I know I can. I'll cheer for myself.
I can be anyone I want to be.
I can be perfect in the ending too.

One night

I have now spent some hours with Mathias on skype. This is what happens.

Partying

Yes, I've mentioned to some of you that when I was at that party on New Year's Eve, I later got an invitation to a guy who also were at the party. That party is this weekend, not sure if it was tonight or tomorrow anyways, I will not go.

1. I don't know anyone there I think.
2. I don't have anyone to go with.
   
3. I think that guys seems to be wanting more. I don't want to throw away things with Ciaran for something silly as that. Besides, that guy, Björn would be a fun friend only.

I really love my new sweater. It's just a regular one but it feels so good and makes me look a little skinnier than I am. Woo hoo! I stood on the scale today and I can only say that I am happy I have bought that workout card that'll last to week 22. I have also decided to decrease my food amount, can't eat like a horse anymore.

What else will happen? Well, to tell you the truth I will study today, for real. I will at least read through my notes and I think that is a good start. And I will definitely email my student council today and ask them out about what my options are if I want to do something else. I have to have figured it out before 1st of February as well. I will make this cause this is what I want. And I want it for me, the rest that comes along will be a bonus. Totally. And if I move you have to come to visit me! ^.^

Back to work now. I'm super, thanks for asking ;)
// Ewelina

Lovely day!

I've found the most comfortable sweater in the world and I got it on sale so it was cheap as well. A dark blue sweater which looks perfect with a white top under it. Happiness are overwhelming me at the moment. I miss Ciaran though, a lot. I've tried writing him a letter but it just end up with me rambling and trust me, sometimes that can be a baaaad thing.
(NOTE: it's not pervy at all. Seriously.)

So today I am going to shovel a lot of snow cause it's been snowing a lot today, it's now more than 10 centimeters outside. Lovely indeed! It's kind of amazing though how you could feel so good again, just like this. I nowadays even feel like writing stuffs, then again I have nothing to write. I never succeeded in writing stories as a kiddo and poems, I suck so badly at them. But blogs and meaningless text messages I am awesome at.

I wonder which artist I show up among if you google them. (NOTE: See Magnus Bodén's blog or just google on Britney Spears) Hilarious. Yet I was too lazy to check through all the 10000 pages of Britney so I narrowed the search to simply "Britney Spears Blaeffo".

Now I will do something more creative than this, it just stopped snowing so I guess I will be outside if you are searching me. *melodrama*

Toodles!

(NOTE: Hi Sarah btw) *shiftyeyes*

An Achivement

What can I say, in a couple of days I have gone from this sad and unsure girl to someone who actually starts to feel good about herself again. Yay me.

I won't write a sum up of the year 2007 and I won't write tops and downs about the year in general. I'm only looking forward and today I will check up new courses to take at uni and also write some emails to the people that can help me come closer to my goals!

I love my hair today. So I have to show it to you. I have done nothing with it and it feels niiice.