Things

I just realized today that I will have to work hard for some days now to finish up some work that needs to be done before the trip to London. I have at least one assignment in programming, that one has its deadline on Friday next week and I am half through it. So I will work with that after this blog. Then there's another programming thing that needs to be done to the week after that. Seriously I think the whole programming for beginners is waaaay out of control. By that I mean the following; our two teachers says different things - which one should we listen to? They never let us know much things, they expects us to understand all these strange expressions and so on. I mean, yes I have done programming before last year but I am experiencing the same problems here. I have a hard time learning it. Cause when the teachers explains the examples I understand right away but if I have to sit and make one my own way...I am totally numb. I don't know how to solve it. I understand what the program should do and such but I just can't do it. This is really frustrating...


Then we also have this group work that I have to get starting. It's always hard in the beginning but once we are through that stage things will, hopefully, go smoothly.

Now I will study some and if I am cranky when you are talking to me it's just not going my way.
You guys are the best! ^,^ - better than many of my "friends" around here. :/ fuckers.

Dentist

Yes that is the place I am going to now. ^,^ I'll update this later if I feel like it. :)

*hugs*

Soooooon

So, I just found out that I passed my Japanese exam and I am so relieved and happy. All those feelings I felt before are gone, at least to 60 %. But I am still kind of disappointed at my "friends" that can't make up their mind about coming or not. What annoys me is the fact that they first tell me that they are available on one date, and then when I am setting that date, I have to hear from someone else that the person can't come. And she hasn't told me yet that she isn't coming. I just think it's so bad of them.

Anyways, thing in life are feeling much better. Even though I have been eating some delicious things I have been baking this weekend I feel good. Though now I will keep up until my birthday and then I will await London. Only a few more days and then we are off Nathalie! WOOHOO!

Damien Rice - Eskimo

If I am not here...

If I am not here when you read this I might be doing the following stuffs; out for a 12 km walk, helping mom to bake cakes and such for my birthday, doing Japanese, doing programming or I might be cleaning.

So I will talk to you guys as soon as I can. ^.^ You guys are the cutest really! ^.^

Bye bye!

star mwah star

A blog to the people...

...who might have lost something or someone close to them. I feel for you. I just wanted you to know that *hugs you all*

Untitled

James Morrison - You Give Me Something


I don't know why, but I like to listen to this song. It is kind of special, no reason why really. When I start to listen to it I feel like "oh no, this song again." But then it starts and I can't stop. The same thing happens over and over again no matter how many times I listen to it. Strange...

Soon I am going to go working out. I plan to make it a two hours day today. Haven't done that before but it will be fun to see how much I can take. I feel like this is going too far from time to time. I just feel stupid at the moment...

To be explained or to explain?

This blog entry is for those who doesn't understand Swedish. The article seen in the last entry was from my university, and it was taken on the day when we had an open day for girls. They want more girls in the business and therefore to the program I am studying at. And they wanted to take a picture of us cause we were the only girls left from our class. star shiftyeyes star. And just to clear some things out, I am the youngest on that picture. Some people, often called Magnus, didn't thought so at first.

So now it's supposed to be weekend for most of all people, except for me it feels like. Tomorrow I am, once again, going to Göteborg to have another class in Japanese. If things couldn't feel any worse I also have an exam tomorrow in Japanese. I have studied some but I will try a little more. I have to tape a mix-tape so I can listen to that in the car while driving to and from the train station in Karlstad. Our car doesn't have a CD-player yet. Kind of annoying but whatcha gonna do? star shrug star

^_^ Yesterday I got back my latest exam! O.O I got 24 out of 30 and it's an A! WOO HOO! ^,^ I am starting to feel like the pieces are falling back on place. And I got invited to a classparty on the 1st of December! On my birthday star hmph star I am not sure yet if I should go or not but it might be fun. ^.^

So I will see myself done with this blog for today! Adios amigos!
Love ya!

----------------------------------------

I just got an urge to really write some more, not sure about what though. Anyhow, I am going to a friend later tonight. We are having her birthday party so I won't be home tonight. Though I feel a little that it would be nice to be at home and relax. But then again, I am glad that some of my friends around here wants to see me. I have to start planning my birthday party myself. And when I say party it might only include like 3 persons xD HAHA. I wish you guys lived closer. ^.^ I want to have a huge Comms party for my next birthday. That would be awesome. ^,^ I sooo know who to invite. ;)
Oh shoot I better get this party started! O__O bye you guys take care and be good this weekend. ^_^

star waves good bye star

star melodrama star

Today I decided to take the bus that goes 11:20 to school instead of the 8:15 bus. My lesson doesn't start until 13:15 so I'll manage to get there on time and just relax a little before I get there. I am really supposed to study at the moment but I don't really know what to study. Except the Japanese. It's kind of hard cause I have to learn all the signs/marks/whatever. I've managed to get almost all Hiragana in my head but still I have to learn all the Katakana signs too. star melodrama star That is going to be so big one day Mathias. We are bringing the long words back. Who wants a *melodrama* When you can have star melodrama star instead!? It's feckin awesome!

I have finished my evil masterplan too. It might be a little sneaky and shit but I need a little fun too. star tongue star I can't stop laughing at that. Stupid fishes.

I am getting in touch with the childish-Ewelina again. Or not childish but younger Ewelina, I am listening to Backstreet Boys. Hahaha. I know I am tragic. star melodrama star I can't help it. Last night I listened to Rockabilly-tracks! That was awesome I tell you all!

I really should study some at least. I wonder what we are going to do in class today. Hope it's going to be something interesting. Probably something about programming. star shiftyeyes star

Oh, by the way! My uncle was reading a newspaper yesterday and guess who was there? ME! Again. I will post the article and picture here. It's my classmates by the way. --> Look!

Snow

Yes, when I started to write this blog it was snowing, I am not sure anymore if it is cause I can't see out enough well to tell.

Today I am feeling much better, something happened last night before I went to bed and I just felt happy again. No particular reason. *shrugs* I just think that I realized that I am not alone anymore. I have friends who are there for me no matter what and they try to understand me and my situation. They are the best ^.^ Thank you guys.

So, what's up now then? I am about to leave soon for workouts and then I shall just relax the whole evening cause today we finished the assignment for school which is going to be handed in next Monday! Almost a week before that is! WOO HOO! I was really happy that my teacher looked it through and said that it looked really great. I was so proud of our group, exclude one guy. star unimpressed star

What else to mention then? I can't come up with anything else so I guess I am off now.
Take care my fellow children

*Ewelina*

Chillin

That's what you basicly can say that I am doing atm. Just had two toasted sandwishes with marmelade. It was perfect after a day in school. I love to come home with the 13:45 bus. ^,^ That means that I get 2 hours approx. until the rest of the family comes home.

Yesterday before I went to bed I finally got to talk with Mathias on Skype, and of course he joined in with me and Tati. *giggle* It was hilarious in my opinion. ^_^ I really needed a good laughter. Thank you both of you.

I want to thank Sarah aswell for listening to my freakin complains all the time. I so hate the fact that I am letting it all out on you. If you ever feel like I am talking to much just ask me to shut up please. *adore* I just want to say also that I can't thinking about how lovely you and Chris are together. That is one awesome relationship and I hope I can come to the wedding or like whatever you are ending up doing. *adore*

Magnus is another person that needs to be mentioned really bad. What would I have done without you. The same goes to Mandy and many others. But Magnus is always making me happy. Thank you. ^_^ I can't even with words express how much I appreciate you in my life. Thank you <3

Now I will keep on watching this crazyness. xD

See ya! ~^,^~
//Ewelina

What the hell is wrong?

Why do I have to cry over things like this?

Randomness

Sitting here feeling a little relaxed and most of all calm. I love it. Soon I will leave home for working out a little more. It has now gone 2 weeks without candy and bad stuffs in that category. I am rather proud of myself. I will do my best to keep this up so I might be able to loose some more kilos.

Now I am out of words and I need to visit the ladies room. *shiftyeyes* Bye bye ^_^

"Whenever dark turns to night
And all the dreams sing their song
In the daylight forever
To you I belong

I ran to you
You were there "

- B*Witched - To You I Belong

Making it work

I have no idea on how I will make this work out. I am putting my soul into it and I am working so hard to understand what he is thinking. I don't know how I will cope with all this, I just want to make it work. I am going to handle this myself, I mean this is about me and him right? Yes I love it that you guys are there for me but I need to figure this out myself I think. Though I really appreciate your words of wisdoms. You are all like my little copies of Dr Phil. All bald and always something to say ^,^

I can really get annoyed at the things around this. Some of you knows what I am talking about. But if you put your heart and soul into it you can make this work and I am willing to try that out now for real.

I promise not to loose myself on the way. I truly want this, I want him, I want Ciaran. I love him.

It's about me...

Yes I would have to say that it is. I don't know how to explain this either but I know it has something to do with me. I am doing my best to actually work with this but it's hard too, I need the other one in this relationship, but he seems to be drifting away. I don't want that... But as you say, there's plenty more fishes in the sea. BUT! I will not give this one up that easily. What would a relationship be if you didn't fight for each other?

I've been thinking alot these past few days and even though the things I've been thinking about isn't THAT relevant to this matter it is important too. I kind got the feeling how to think about myself a little. Like keeping myself busy with things I like and stuffs.

His thoughts are important to me but I care way too much. It's becoming a needy battle and that is my problem. Many might say that it's his turn to play the cards. It might be so. But as I've been writing before - I won't ruin this by being stubborn. I could never forgive myself for that. I will do my best to be what I want to become and I will fight for the things that matters the most.

At the graveyard

Last night after I've been visiting a friend watching a movie and stuffs I didn't go home right away. Since it's been Halloween and all that the graveyard was filled with candles and it was so beautiful. We were so busy yesterday so we never had time to go and watch all the candles, so I went by my own around midnight. It was so quiet -except all the noisy people from town who were about to go to parties and shit. Other than those noises I was all alone there. Good that I've worked there last year otherwise I would never have been able to find the ways around it. It was so dark and when I was looking up at the sky you could see all the stars and some even fell. It was so peaceful and beautiful. Exactly what I needed.

On my way I found some burnt out candles and I found a matchstick so that I could lit them up again. Well...Not every single candle, I'm not a bloody miracleworker. xD But then I was able to light a candle for those who means something to me. Only you guys know about it, if my family finds out they probably would just be worried about it. That something could've happened and all that, but it just shows that they care.

Anyway, I won't sit here and talk about that only. But when I was walking there all alone, it gave me time to think about things. I'm not more sane than I was yesterday but it's on it's way. And Sarah with her sweet quotes that really means something. Thank you <3 And all of you others who read my blog and take your time to comment. ;) Thank you. It really feels good that I'm not alone and I will have you guys there. ^_^

I think I'll start write here more often, it's way more fun. xD though I miss talking to you others but I really need this I think. I need to think it over, what to do and at the same time follow what's best for me. It has been way too long and I've already ruined one relationship by being like this, blaming the other one. It's not them, the problem is me. Well, not only but mostly. I want you guys to understand that I am ok, I just need to fix my problem with myself before I can feel that I can come back to you all. But you all have to remember that you all means so much to me, even though we might not have met...yet. ^_^ But that is going to be my biggest goals in life. I want to see you all. ^^ Even though you, you mastrubating monkey. ;)

Bye you guys and remember that even though you might be all alone at the place you are at, you will never be alone completly. Cause I am there in the shadows. ;) Waiting to rape you all! O_O

Here goes

I have now decided that I can't take this shit anymore. I won't be online for a couple of days cause I am so freackin tired of being this down lately. I need to get a grip about things and atleast try to be sane about it. If you don't know what I am talking about then fine I might tell you if you ask me, I don't feel all jolly to talk about it right now.

I am working so hard to make things work, to get closer to someone and I am really spending both energy, money and my time on it. And it's not that I dislike doing it it's just that I feel so unappreciated while I am doing it.

Anyways, enough about that. Nathalie and I are planning a trip to London in December and we are soon about to book the tickets. I might not be able to afford it really but I need this. Even if someone might not come I can't be arsed to care anymore. I've done what I can and if that isn't enough then fine. *shrug* I can't kiss ass forever, still I don't want to ruin something that could be so good by being stubborn.

Fuckeli fuck fuck ^_^