Soft

Well I'm just sitting here atm. Guess I'm just staring at the keyboard and typing what comes into my head and what later goes through my nerves to my fingertops. I have this warm feeling inside, like when things are really going the right way. I can't think straight. I can't hear what I'm thinking, I'm just acting on impulse. I can feel it so good, it's so obvious. Or is it now?

Last night I sat up to almost half past 4. Just talking to Kim and laughing of course. I must say that I'm kind of proud over myself for being able to use my fucking mouth and actually spoke to him. Yet, I'm a little scared about calling him. Dunno why it's just how it is. Stupid ass. Anyways, the more I think about Kim, the more I talk to him, I just want to get the driving licence and get my ass over there. ^.^

I don't want to rush into things, I really don't want to do that. I don't want to make him unsure about things concerning himself and I don't want to be a bother for anyone... Sorry if I am. I just miss someone like him in my life. He really makes me laugh even at the silliest things and I'm just crazy, I don't know what I'm writing anymore.

I'm sure people might think that I'm still worried about things with Tom, but to be really honest, I don't know who he is anymore, I know more about Kim after a week that I knew about Tom after 3-4 years. I'm so tradgic at the moment I know. But what can you really do about it?

Oh yeah sorry... Jannika, I'll never forget what you wrote. *adore* I'm so happy to have you there and I promise I'll do my best to be a better gal. ;)

¤~lots of love~¤

Ewelina

Hi

Just wanted to say hi and sorry for not been writing that often. I'm kind of tired of it...

Sorry Jannika too for not talking more with you about you. I feel like a crappy friend. =(

Meh :/ now I'll go out for a walk. <3

This time it feels...

After a night full of laughing and lots of toilet visiting I've never had such a fun time.

This all things that's happening... I'm kind of split about things but I'm kind of sure now... One has got to be put away in the closet and it's NOT a special guy.

Such a lovely time just talking. Yeah and alot of Pingu-talk. Too bad that someone can't stay awake.

He even said that he doesn't want to get in between me and Tom. I told him what I told Mandy that the whole thing with Tom seems to be kind of...dead. I know he's in grief but still... I don't think time will make any difference so I said that with Tom it doesn't feels like I've felt with my other bf's and not when I imagine to have a future with him. *adore*

Listening to now: Natasha Beddingfield - I wanna have your babies

Fucking asshole shit! >_<

I just had to write a textmessage to him I just had too now wasn't I? Fucking shit, Anyways, I wrote to him something like this "You know, it would be nice if you called or something some day. I miss you Tom. And if I did anything wrong I'd like you to tell me. I like you alot. *hugs*" . I just got back a message saying that his father and brother died yesterday. WOo hoo! Nice going Ewe.

I know the fact that I couldn't know but still. I had to ask and GAH!

Now I'll go and just hate myself for awhile. ._.

See ya or not! xP

the 6th-7th of April

Well, as you all probablly know I have for a time now planned a trip to Stockholm with Jannika. Two days ago I sat on the bus by now and just waited to get to Stockholm. I knew Jannika was coming in around 1 o'clock so I had a little time to kill before that. That's why I've decided that a guy named Tom should come and visit. You see, I've known him for almost 3-4 years now and he has always been supporting me and stuff. I sat there on the busstation and I was so nervous, I was so shaking and sweaty. But after awhile, like an hour of waiting I tried reaching him and he said that he had to be on work for a little longer so, Jannika got to the station before him and we started to walk around in Stockholm. =) <3We went to this Asian resturant and it was sooooo good. *drool* We even ordered ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert. *drool* <3

Anyways Tom called that he was getting in to town now and that we could meet at Jannika's and mine hostel. So, after going back to the hotel I was so nervous again, shaking like a leaf and I just wanted to see him. *adore* So, back at the hotel Jannika surely laughed at me for being so nervous. *adore* :-* And she was just going to say hi to Tom and then leave for a walk. *adore* I feel so bad for making it longer than an hour. :( *hugs*

So, Tom took a taxi to the hotel, walking 1 km was too much for him atm. *lol* <3 So when Jannika was about to leave for that walk he just stood there in the hallway. :inlove: And I got so, like, my heart was beating so fast and shit. He gives the best hugs btw. ;) So Jannika said hi to him and shit and then she left. :( We got in to our room and just sat on each bed talking, like caressing ourself carefully and gentle. *adore* And he could feel how I was shaking. *lol and blushing* And I just fell for him, I have no idea what he was doing that made me fall so hard but then all the kissing starting and clothes were suddenly on the floor and we were in bed! :O *drool* *in love* Fuck, I don't do things like these, seriously.

Then after like 30 mins Jannika came back just because she had to changes shoes, so. *lol* I can't imagine what was going on in her mind at that moment. *lol* I'm so sorry sweety. *adore* *hug* Then she left and Tom and I was about to start again. *lol* <3>and so we did doing it again for half an hour. *lol* <3 *drool* Sorry for saying this but he was soooo the best I've ever been with. *drool* (like I've only 2 before him) *lol*
Then he had to leave when Jannika was coming back, all that because of more work :( But he truly gives the best hugs in the world. :inlove: He's such a strong guy. *drooling devil*
Jannika came back :) and Tom left. :( and then Jannika and I relaxed all day. *lol and devil*

Then on the night we went out to The Viper Room. A bit dull to start with but it was funny as hell. I'm not lying when I'm saying that she and I were the prettiest there. :D When we later decided to walk home we got lost. *lol* But who cares we got home after awhile. :) <3
Sleeping and then the next morning we ate breakfast and then later we checked out and just went out on town for the rest of the day. I'm so sorry for being sick and all. *hug* <3 And it's hard to like, talk normally like you do with your friends at home since we just know each other for such a short time. But I loved being with you in Stockholm. *hug* <3 I hope you did too.

Anyways I got home and now I'm about to take a shower. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you that the one thing I bought in Stockholm was a morning after pill. *lol* I don't want to get pregnant. *cries*

Toodles everyone! *hug* :-*

<3