For a while now, I’ve been really out of shape and haven’t been able to focus at all on things. Important things. Yesterday was the same as every other night lately, thoughts that wandered away to uncomfortable thoughts and me ending up crying until I sit there on my bed shaking. All messed up. I hate it every time it happens, but I love the days afterwards. Even though I end up sleeping a bit longer than I use to I feel better, so relieved.
I don’t want you to worry about me, I have done this before and I know deep inside it’ll pass. Just give me time and I promise I’ll do my best.
The major thing to my recent mood swings is the realisation of my newly found loneliness. I know I have all the great people online like you, so many of you are more than online friends even though I haven’t met you yet. You make me feel at ease and that I am welcomed. Thank you. But, the people I thought were my friends, that I hung out with so often before, they doesn’t even care anymore. And the ones that cares are about 300kms away. As a kiddo I didn’t have much friends, but it wasn’t bothering me cause I enjoyed it and I enjoyed just being with boys on the school breaks. I remember my teachers telling me and my mother that I should play with the girls and participate with them more. But I didn’t really cared. Anyways, what I want to tell you is that even though I was a really independent child most of it have developed into a less independent woman who sometimes wants to hang out with friends. Still I would dare to call myself independent because even though I can feel loneliness I still manage to have some few people I like talking to. Which is good, because being all alone in a class of about 30 people is an awkward feeling. But I will never give up, I want to finish this first year and now already I am checking up other things to study. Though I have no idea what to do with my life I know I want to study math and things like that. Call me crazy but I enjoy solving math equations. So that is my plans for the future at the moment.
I want to release myself from this unsure person I am at the moment, I know how to do it a little. I have done this before so I know partly what to do. I can’t live in this shell anymore, I don’t want to lock people out and I don’t want to push the most important ones away. The ones that care are still by my side, and I realize it more and more. Thank you all.
So now I am going finish this year of 2007 with a smile on my face and I know that year 2008 will bring me closer to many of you guys and I can’t wait until I get to meet you all.
Good things in 2008 to come
I don’t want you to worry about me, I have done this before and I know deep inside it’ll pass. Just give me time and I promise I’ll do my best.
The major thing to my recent mood swings is the realisation of my newly found loneliness. I know I have all the great people online like you, so many of you are more than online friends even though I haven’t met you yet. You make me feel at ease and that I am welcomed. Thank you. But, the people I thought were my friends, that I hung out with so often before, they doesn’t even care anymore. And the ones that cares are about 300kms away. As a kiddo I didn’t have much friends, but it wasn’t bothering me cause I enjoyed it and I enjoyed just being with boys on the school breaks. I remember my teachers telling me and my mother that I should play with the girls and participate with them more. But I didn’t really cared. Anyways, what I want to tell you is that even though I was a really independent child most of it have developed into a less independent woman who sometimes wants to hang out with friends. Still I would dare to call myself independent because even though I can feel loneliness I still manage to have some few people I like talking to. Which is good, because being all alone in a class of about 30 people is an awkward feeling. But I will never give up, I want to finish this first year and now already I am checking up other things to study. Though I have no idea what to do with my life I know I want to study math and things like that. Call me crazy but I enjoy solving math equations. So that is my plans for the future at the moment.
I want to release myself from this unsure person I am at the moment, I know how to do it a little. I have done this before so I know partly what to do. I can’t live in this shell anymore, I don’t want to lock people out and I don’t want to push the most important ones away. The ones that care are still by my side, and I realize it more and more. Thank you all.
So now I am going finish this year of 2007 with a smile on my face and I know that year 2008 will bring me closer to many of you guys and I can’t wait until I get to meet you all.
Good things in 2008 to come
- Ewe’s Summer Cottage meeting in June
- Movienight with a certain monkey that isn’t decided yet xD
- The little Midget from the States arrival
- Assisting Host for the abroad Students at Karlstad’s University
- Kent Concert in March
- Some festival maybe? Planning on Peace and Love but maybe StorsjöYran?
- Someone might come here this summer.
