School day #6

Well, today I've started a new class, again. Webdesign, with a teacher that didn't knew much about it. Even I knew more. *dum dumduuum duuuuuummmm* That's not often at school. Then later we had our first real class with psychology. It's a hard class, but I think it'll be fun.

Now I have to take a shower dear people. ^_^

Have a lovely night!
//Ewelina

Feeling better

I'm on my way now. The whole weekend has been great so far, I'm not feeling bad about seeing people being happy together, I don't feel jealousy nor ignored. Thanks for all your support. I really appreciate all of it.

I'm now thinking about going back to my summerhouse and spend the night there with my mother. :) It's going to be an easy night. :) Time to get new good music for my MP3. *drools* Oh my, it's really lame now. I need to get a new one perhaps, one with better power and with lots of memory. Not like me that is. *lol*

Have a lovely day dear reader. :)

//Ewelina

RadioStar

On the morningshow on the radio they had a contest. The movieriddle, they played 3 songs and you were suppose to guess what movie they were about. I had this theroy. Cold as Ice, and I answered Superman! I even raped and play all hiphopish to get the right explanation. >.< "Snakes on the plane"

Bloody bullshit movie! >.<

I'm such a fool!

First day of my life

I've decided now. I'll start training and it's going to be great I think! I can't wait!

Well that's all for today. ^^

Confused but happy.

I just have to thank Frida for being such a good friend! Who makes me happy at times I feel the worst.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=885112878509896543&q=he+man

http://www.student.oulu.fi/~jppirin/loosteri/batmanlw.swf

http://www.stfd.net/

Check these out for God's Sake!!!


A fucking strange expression. O.o

Extensions!

Yeah, they are all in. Both black and pink. ^^ Too bad my haircolor is darkbrown, should've colored it black instead. >.<>

I'm so sorry for a thing aswell. I still haven't come over the loss of me big love. I'm still confused, I just tell others that everything is ok. I don't want them to worry... Because, I'm all right, I tell myself.

Today I have to maybe return in my sweet mobilephone. *cries* My sweet Motorola V3 Razor pink. Why!?

Hey btw, Corpse Bride by Tim Burton is really a good movie. See that one! It's really good. ^_^

An end to the beginning

I hurt someone today, a person who’ve meant so much to me for the last 2 years. I’m so sorry. It’s just that you didn’t notice the things I needed to hear until it was too late. I never wished that this day would come. I hoped that we’d be happy together for ever. Things you’ve done or said has made me feel so down. It was that way, that I started to think about an end to a happy time. I needed those small things, that look in your eyes that said ”you’re my world”. It’s hard to see in the dark room. I tried to glow as much as I could, but it wasn’t enough. With time I felt more and more sad over some samll things you could say. Either you meant them or not it hurted me, like a knife in my heart. I hate myself for hurting the person that meant the world to me, but I had to do this. I need to find that happiness, that passion for the same things that I love and I needed someone who I knew wouldn’t hurt me. I was so scared that you’d hurt me, just like everybody else.

When we talked, I tried not to cry. It felt so hard inside, I just wanted to shout cause of the pain inside my heart. I know how it is to be hurt, and it has nothing to do with you baby, we’re just too different in many ways. Espacially on those things that I like and you don’t like. I’m sitting here and thinking about what you feel at the moment. I’m so sorry for hurting you like this. That’s why I want us to be friends if you can handle that. I understand if you don’t want that. I won’t speak of things that you don’t want to hear of, I won’t disrespect you. You said the things too late... I can’t turn back now. I have to walk forward. I loved our happy days we’ve had together, I love them more than you might think. I’ll save all the messages and mails you’ve sent to me. They mean the world to me. You meant the world to me. It hurts so much inside, I can’t imagine how you feel right now, even though I’ve been in your shoes. But this is a thing that I have to do. It’s nothing wrong with you, I didn’t say anything that could make you see how bad I felt at times. You were the right for me, you’ve got every ingredience for a perfect man, I just couldn’t make them come out in the light.

I always think the worst at situations, can you imagine how scared I’ve been to have the call we had? Why didn’t you show me that you loved me, why didn’t you say the things I needed to hear, why weren’t you there for me when I needed you the most? Why did you treat me like anybody else at times? I didn’t want this. But I still want you there as my friend... I want you to understand that I also need the time alone and to find myself. I don’t know what will happen with time. Maybe I need to grow and try my wings a little bit more? You made me feel special and you made me brave. You made me feel loved again. But now I need myself, I’m egoistic I know but I think that’ll make me feel better about myself again.

Please don’t be angry at yourself, please don’t hate yourself or the things you’ve done. It’s my fault too as much as it’s nobody’s fault as it is your fault. You can’t blame yourself for this. I’ve made this desition by myself. No one around me has said what to do. I’ve decided by myself.

Time will tell what will happen in the future. Right now I’m just sorry...

The thing is, I’m asking myself if it was the ”right” decision, and yet I don’t know that. It depends on who I ask, but when it comes to asking myself I can’t answer. Will it help if I give it some time or will I still be like this, unwise and confused. I just can’t stand myself at the moment.

I was so unsure about everything, his feelings about me and it was worth it to be hurt and sad over and over again cause of my paranoia. I can’t sit and wait for things to happen, espacially not when I’ve planned them. I know I’ve been busy for a while now, but it never made me stop missing you. I don’t want to be threaten like everyone else, not when I’m with you. I want to be your glow just like you’ve been my glow and at times my darkness...

I’m waiting for that call...